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As I mentioned in my previous post, I am trying to be more intentional in my own life. I write here on my blog all these positive things and yet still struggle with living them out myself. However, I am also learning that instead of beating myself up for this I will simply love myself through it. For those of you that have been my blog readers for awhile or for those of you that know me personally, you know loving myself is one of the greatest challenges of my life. Seems like a simple task to some, while for me it has always been daunting. I enjoy blogging and vlogging so much that I have put unnecessary stress on myself to try and do it most days of the week. Why you may ask? I’ll be honest – it’s because I don’t want to lose you . . . my Look for the good . . . readers. It brings me great joy knowing through my darkness I may help someone else find the light. I’m so worried that in the blogging world if I don’t “keep it up” or “keep it consistent” that people will stop reading it. But you know what? I AM NOT IN CONTROL of that . . . AT ALL! It is in The Lord’s hands who He knows needs to read these words and it’s all in His timing. As I am continuing to learn through yoga . . . I have to let that shit go . . . Yes! I just cussed and I still believe in God and I have a deep faith in Him, and He still loves me. There is no such thing as perfection. I am doing my best. Just BE YOU!
Speaking of timing I pulled this quote out of my very own LFTG jar today. Here we go . . .
“Talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you love and value.”
*This is dedicated to all those in the world who think they aren’t good enough or something is wrong with them. For all of those drowning in the darkness.
Remember YOU are LOVED! Just because we have made some bad decisions EVEN IF it’s the same decisions over and over doesn’t mean we are bad. There may be numerous reasons why we have the dark side. The ugly, scary side to us. Everything isn’t our fault. Fear will drive us to do things that are not healthy for us. It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared too! I just want to be loved for the real me inside all this pain. Surround yourself with those that love you and get away from those that judge you. For they are sick themselves. Perhaps we should all practice giving a little more grace to each other . . . but some from a distance.
For today, here is the good . . . I will continue to learn how to love myself. I will not punish myself for not blogging/vlogging most days of the week because I am choosing to live more intentional and be more present in my own life. I will continue to LIVE OUT LOUD and know that The Lord is using my messiness to help others. For all of this I am THANKFUL and not just on Thursday. Now go love yourself! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste
So, since I want Grayson to live her life to the fullest, I try and let her experience as many things as I can remember (which we all know how my brain works). I wanted Grayson to be a part of Writing Wednesday, so this is the quote she pulled out of our LFTG jar –
“Kindness – one of the greatest gifts you can bestow upon another. If someone is in need, lend them a helping hand.”
And here’s the definition of kindness – the quality of being friendly, considerate, and generous. Well, I’d like to think I am friendly. I have been told many times I am “overly friendly” which I respond, “is there such a thing?” I do think I am considerate. Considerate so much that it in return hurts me a lot of the time. Generous . . . hmm, I can be, but it depends on what I’m liberally giving or sharing. Of course, wouldn’t we all like to think we are kind though? But have you stopped to ask yourself if you really are kind? I am only thinking about it now as I write because I was prompted to do so. And as you read above those are my short answers. Let’s break it down . . .
I could definitely be friendly to way more people. You know a simple smile or “Hey” to literally EVERY SINGLE PERSON (handicap or not, y’all! Homeless or not, y’all! Everyone!) could change someone’s mood. Your curling of the lips upward could seriously make a person go from feeling angry or hopeless to thinking “Yeah, it’s gonna be okay”. Gosh, can you imagine? I am going to challenge myself with that! Now being considerate – well, we are just going to pass on that one because I am having to “retrain” myself to take care of me and not everyone else first. I am currently searching for balance between the two. Thanks to yoga! Sorry, just had to throw it in there ;~} But generous I could do a lot better! I tend to be stingy with my time. At this point in my life I am only interested in real, honest, and simple. Those are the people I want to spend time with – basically, nothing more, nothing less. And there are plenty of other ways to be generous. That is just one of my examples. Generosity is going to be a garden for me because I need to GROW in this area of my life. So, for today here is the good . . . I have a challenge to smile and/or say “Hey” to EVERYONE. I can continue to learn how to love and take care of myself. Last but not least I will search myself and find ways to be generous. If you have any ideas, please send them to me. I love my Look for the good . . . readers! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste
The founding belief of this company is to bring you inspiring positivity one breath at a time. All of our products are a reflection of this very idea. For example, our LFTG (Look For The Good) Jars are filled with inspirational sayings/quotes. Each saying/quote has a crack ‘n peel backing so if you want to you can stick it on something for a positive reminder or simply throw it back in for a random draw another day. So, having said that, periodically I will be doing my own random draw out of my personal LFTG jar and will be posting it on here with a story that emulates that message. These will be named “Positive Purposeful Post”. Let’s do one now . . .
“I’ve seen better days, but I’ve also seen worse. I don’t have everything that I want, but I do have all I need. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. My life may not be perfect, but I am blessed.”
I know we use the word thankful a lot and maybe even appreciative. Both great words! I’m sure we all have room for improvement on how much we use these words. I have begun to use the word grateful more in these last few months which developed out of our Yoga Teacher Training homework. When I first started taking YTT one of our assignments was to purchase multiple books and read them at determined times on our syllabus. One of those books was “The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude” by Sarah Ban Breathnach. This is a daily journal where we were and are to still be writing down what we are thankful for on that day. I will admit some days I couldn’t bring myself to even open the book. That was because of deep, mental anguish I was experiencing. If you opened my journal you would find there were many days that I would write (or have to go back and write on that day) –
March 2 – Thankful I made it – yes, that I didn’t die
March 4 – Thankful I made it and didn’t die yesterday
March 5 – I guess thankful I’m still breathing even though I don’t want to be
March 11 – to be alive
April 2 – to be alive
April 12 – thankful I didn’t die
It goes on and on. Some days I could only write “nap” or “sunshine” even though I had several lines in the book available for me to write on. Sometimes on the days I could get to the studio all I would write for the whole day would be “yoga”. I know I have said it before and I will say it again – YOGA truly helped save my life . . . and for that, yes, I am GRATEFUL!
For my readers some of this may be quite shocking to hear about and for others not so much. I am choosing to share bits and pieces of my mental health struggles with all of you and yes that includes nearly 14,000 people and from all over the world – not just the United States through my website. I know I am taking a chance being vulnerable like this and it opens the door for even more judgement of me. But you know what? The Lord is handling that part, so I don’t have to worry about it. Speaking of yoga, The Lord and putting this all together . . . There are times during my meditation that when I ask Him to let me talk to my Mama, He allows me to see her. (Keep in mind my Mama is in Heaven) Most of the time she doesn’t speak and of course none of this is in an audible voice. But a few weeks ago, I decided to meditate in the bathtub. I was sad and confused about why I am and have for at least my entire adult life been dealing with very painful mental health issues. These all stem from my childhood and carried on into my present day. I asked my Mama “Why? Why am I going through all this and for so long? Why do I have to suffer so much?” She answered, “You have been given a gift from The Lord.” I told her it didn’t feel like a gift. I told her I am exhausted. I asked her again how this could possibly be a gift. My Mama said again “He has given you a gift and you need to use it.” When I explained to her that it feels horrible, that I stand out among people around me and that it is embarrassing at times – I looked up at her again and she wasn’t there. The Lord only gives me snippets, but I am GRATEFUL for them. He answered my question though. He told me my life has been very difficult but He chose me to go through this only so I could help others. I try and remind myself this truth especially on the harder days. So, to recap the quote above – for today, here is the good . . .
I really have seen better and worse days. I know both will come. But I also know both will go. I definitely don’t have a lot of material things but that isn’t something I’ve ever really been interested in anyway and The Lord has ALWAYS miraculously taken care of ALL my needs. I do wake up with aches and pains and actually don’t sleep more than a few hours (not even consecutively) each night because my body has been trained to listen for Grayson and her seizures for almost 22 YEARS! But what stands out most in this saying for me is “but I woke up”. Most people take this for granted. However, I know all too well how easy it would be not to wake up. And to finish it out – No, my life is far from perfect because there is no such thing as perfection but blessed, I AM! I encourage you to go throughout each day being THANKFUL, APPRECIATIVE, AND GRATEFUL for every little thing. It could be the sun shining, running water, a washing machine, a beautiful child, an awesome friendship, a flower. The list is endless . . . Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste
So, this happened . . .
P.S. The glitter star stickers are on my certificate because I always teased our teacher, “Brine”, that what I wanted for graduation was a glitter sticker. Thanks, Brian ;~}
I am super proud of myself which never comes out of my mouth BUT yoga has taught me so much and I will forever be grateful, and forever be learning. Yoga isn’t a one-time thing or a destination to be arrived at quickly. It is a continuous, beautiful, freeing journey for your mind, body and spirit. You continue to add on to your practice (the actual poses), you continue to deepen your breathing for relaxation, you continue to focus in your meditation and the benefits continue to grow with you for as long as you practice throughout your life. For this, I am thankful, and I am super excited that I can now TEACH yoga! Of course, I have taught a little bit to some family and friends. Ha, ha . . . thank you for being my guinea pigs. Y’all are great! I also wanted to let you know I will be blogging about some misconceptions of yoga. Please be sure and read them as I know at least one if not many or all reasons have crossed your mind as to why you think YOU could NEVER do yoga.
But for today here is the good . . . I graduated something! Most of you don’t know the backstory to that. Many challenging situations have always been barriers to my completion of a lot of things. But I am so happy and proud to shout from the top of my yogi, glitter-spewing unicorn . . . I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! All the glory goes to The Lord who has had tremendous grace on me for 43 years. A big thank you to my husband, Kevin, who has taken on a lot more when I had long weekends of Yoga Teacher Training and for his newfound support of me . . . this I treasure. I am thankful to each one of my daughters, Grayson and Kloie, who have been through a lot due to the pain of my being so sick. They have sacrificed me being present at times. I am beyond blessed by them! I am thankful for our nurse, Grace, who has also seen a lot and been through a lot yet supported me a lot. Every time I talk about her to other people, I always describe her as one of my other children and also my right hand because truly there are many things I could not have done without her these last six years. If you live in the Crazy Harts Club (which Grace basically does) then you have the “luxury” of experiencing anything from A to Z.
So be on the lookout for the next blog about yoga. I’ll pick a misconception and tell you the truth about it. Also feel free to send me any comments or questions you may have about yoga. Until then have a Sweet Sunday evening. Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste
I have been through some hell especially in the last 12 months . . . at times not sure how or if I was gonna get through it. Wanna know my secret? YOGA! I’ve had this new, “not so little” tattoo for a bit now. *See pic below It is my actual body (photo cred to my daughter’s nurse), then I added the very bottom “message” and passed it on to my tattoo artist – Thank you, Jon Sanford! It is my body growing out of the lotus flower. The lotus flower is rooted in muddy, nasty water and flourishes into something beautiful. It reminds me every day something splendid can rise up out of ugliness. If you look closely you can see my actual thighs right above the petals as I am sitting in the lotus position itself. Speaking of the petals, I wanted eight of them to represent the eight limbs of yoga. Perhaps more on that another time.
What yoga has done for me is truly amazing! Not only amazing but transforming. Yeah, I have worked out on and off throughout the years but still would not consider myself athletic. A lot of people may think of yoga as just another way to exercise. And they wouldn’t be wrong. But that is not the true meaning of yoga. Yoga is mind, body, and spirit. This is definitely my journey to peace within. It has taught me or is actually still teaching me to replace wicked and negative thoughts in my head with positive, happy thoughts. I do quite literally have to tell myself sometimes when something makes me sad or anger pops in my brain, to change it by pushing it out and 1. Not allowing myself to think about it anymore and 2. Replacing it with something joyful. I now ask myself – is this, whatever “this” may be, bringing me happiness? Just today I discovered a new way to breathe during my practice – meaning the actual exercises I do during class. Because of all I have been enduring lately all I do is spew anger. And I mean SPEW! It is toxic to myself and those around me. My intention I set for myself today was to breathe for everyone in this entire world who is considered “less than” – in whatever and all ways that may be. Every time I inhaled, I took their sadness and every time I exhaled I spewed! But I spewed PEACE and imagined it raining down on them. I could go into so much more detail (as you know) about yoga but this post would never end. Ha, ha, ha! So, for today, here is the good . . . this is a process. It is a journey not a destination that I am trying to hurry to. I recently met with one of my dear friends who said to me she loved how I was open about my life being messy and how realistic I am. And a few months ago, one of my yogi friends said to me that she loved how I live my life out loud. These two have no idea how much of a compliment these statements are to me. For 43 years I have lived in so much fear of “what will other people think” with little sprinkles of me being my true self. Because of what yoga has done for me, I can fully embrace the Jane that The Lord has always meant for me to be. Who wouldn’t want to live out loud??? Now I know there will be bad times and sad times still to come but I am going to soak up and enjoy every bit of peace as a TRUE GIFT that The Lord is trying to give me. I sincerely hope you have a blessed weekend. Now go love yourself! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste