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Thankful Thursday

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am trying to be more intentional in my own life. I write here on my blog all these positive things and yet still struggle with living them out myself. However, I am also learning that instead of beating myself up for this I will simply love myself through it. For those of you that have been my blog readers for awhile or for those of you that know me personally, you know loving myself is one of the greatest challenges of my life. Seems like a simple task to some, while for me it has always been daunting. I enjoy blogging and vlogging so much that I have put unnecessary stress on myself to try and do it most days of the week. Why you may ask? I’ll be honest – it’s because I don’t want to lose you . . . my Look for the good . . . readers. It brings me great joy knowing through my darkness I may help someone else find the light. I’m so worried that in the blogging world if I don’t “keep it up” or “keep it consistent” that people will stop reading it. But you know what? I AM NOT IN CONTROL of that . . . AT ALL! It is in The Lord’s hands who He knows needs to read these words and it’s all in His timing. As I am continuing to learn through yoga . . . I have to let that shit go . . . Yes! I just cussed and I still believe in God and I have a deep faith in Him, and He still loves me. There is no such thing as perfection. I am doing my best. Just BE YOU!

Speaking of timing I pulled this quote out of my very own LFTG jar today. Here we go . . .

“Talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you love and value.”

*This is dedicated to all those in the world who think they aren’t good enough or something is wrong with them. For all of those drowning in the darkness.

Remember YOU are LOVED! Just because we have made some bad decisions EVEN IF it’s the same decisions over and over doesn’t mean we are bad. There may be numerous reasons why we have the dark side. The ugly, scary side to us. Everything isn’t our fault. Fear will drive us to do things that are not healthy for us. It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared too! I just want to be loved for the real me inside all this pain. Surround yourself with those that love you and get away from those that judge you. For they are sick themselves. Perhaps we should all practice giving a little more grace to each other . . . but some from a distance.

For today, here is the good . . . I will continue to learn how to love myself. I will not punish myself for not blogging/vlogging most days of the week because I am choosing to live more intentional and be more present in my own life. I will continue to LIVE OUT LOUD and know that The Lord is using my messiness to help others. For all of this I am THANKFUL and not just on Thursday. Now go love yourself! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste

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Writing Wednesday . . . Positive Purposeful Post

Last week I had Grayson pull a positive saying out of our very own LFTG jar and this week I asked Kloie to. She reached in and when she pulled it out, she just laughed, pointed at me and said “YOU!” I took it from her, read it and agreed “AMEN! Yep, that’s me.” Then I turned around in the kitchen and read it out loud to Grayson and our nurse, Grace. Here it is . . .

“I can’t tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.”

Well, if that isn’t me, I don’t know what is – trying to please everyone. And nope, I’m not trying to be some sort of saint here because believe me this isn’t good for anyone! This is NOT being a winner. Most of my life I have been trying to please others in every way possible. So much so it has almost cost me my life. I am very slowly learning to put myself first – like at a snail’s pace. But not just any ol’ snail. This one has a camper on it’s back that is attached to a Ford F-450 with a family of five and two dogs packed in it with a couple of bikes racked on the back all while pulling a 4-wheeler. That’s a lot! Now you get why I’m so slow???

I think part of it is my anxiety in wondering “what will other people think?” which is what I heard so much growing up . . . “What will the church people think?” That was a standard comment from my daddy since he is a retired Southern Baptist preacher. That explains a lot doesn’t it? Ha, ha, ha. Guess what? I don’t care what “the church people” think and I’m learning that more people are out there in this world hurting rather than not because they are SO WORRIED about what other people think. I am nowhere near not caring at all about what some people have in their mind about me, but I have put a stop to the madness! I will not let it steal my life anymore. Have you thought about that? Have you thought that you are precisely letting someone, or multiple humans STEAL your life? Are you so frightened or uptight that it is making you sick? Maybe you don’t realize the hold other people have on you. Do you feel selfish when you take care of yourself? I used to about everything and now it is becoming less over time. But it takes daily practice. If I told you one day it could actually in real life physically KILL you? Would you keep doing it? Would you keep putting everyone else first? Maybe you aren’t even on your own list of priorities! I wasn’t and it will weigh you down until you break. You think it won’t happen to you. I thought the same thing. I have been through more than most people and thought I was so obviously strong enough to handle anything. Not true at all! It can and will happen to anyone! It’s a cruel joke so stop all the absurdity NOW!

For today, here is the good . . . you really can be yourself and those that love you the way you are just so happen to be the people you want to surround yourself with. If you are not causing any harm to anyone or anything, just trying to live your life and someone still brings you negativity then cut them out! And if you can’t completely do that then please distance yourself from them. They don’t care if you are damaged from it because they will move on and continue living. I urge you to live your life and if you have the courage then I wish for you the FREEDOM to LIVE OUT LOUD! I am now being blessed over and over because I choose to love myself now. I implore you to do the same. I’m always here if you need a little encouragement or reassurance. You’ve got this and so do I! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste

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Writing Wednesday . . . Positive Purposeful Post

The founding belief of this company is to bring you inspiring positivity one breath at a time. All of our products are a reflection of this very idea. For example, our LFTG (Look For The Good) Jars are filled with inspirational sayings/quotes. Each saying/quote has a crack ‘n peel backing so if you want to you can stick it on something for a positive reminder or simply throw it back in for a random draw another day. So, having said that, periodically I will be doing my own random draw out of my personal LFTG jar and will be posting it on here with a story that emulates that message. These will be named “Positive Purposeful Post”. Let’s do one now . . .

 “I’ve seen better days, but I’ve also seen worse. I don’t have everything that I want, but I do have all I need. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. My life may not be perfect, but I am blessed.”

So, this is the quote Grayson pulled out of our LFTG jar (when I had both hands to help her :~} *See YouTube Channel Crazy Harts Club) One word comes to mind when I read this saying . . . GRATEFUL!

I know we use the word thankful a lot and maybe even appreciative. Both great words! I’m sure we all have room for improvement on how much we use these words. I have begun to use the word grateful more in these last few months which developed out of our Yoga Teacher Training homework. When I first started taking YTT one of our assignments was to purchase multiple books and read them at determined times on our syllabus. One of those books was “The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude” by Sarah Ban Breathnach. This is a daily journal where we were and are to still be writing down what we are thankful for on that day. I will admit some days I couldn’t bring myself to even open the book. That was because of deep, mental anguish I was experiencing. If you opened my journal you would find there were many days that I would write (or have to go back and write on that day) –

March 2 – Thankful I made it – yes, that I didn’t die

March 4 – Thankful I made it and didn’t die yesterday

March 5 – I guess thankful I’m still breathing even though I don’t want to be

March 11 – to be alive

April 2 – to be alive

April 12 – thankful I didn’t die

It goes on and on. Some days I could only write “nap” or “sunshine” even though I had several lines in the book available for me to write on. Sometimes on the days I could get to the studio all I would write for the whole day would be “yoga”. I know I have said it before and I will say it again – YOGA truly helped save my life . . . and for that, yes, I am GRATEFUL!

For my readers some of this may be quite shocking to hear about and for others not so much. I am choosing to share bits and pieces of my mental health struggles with all of you and yes that includes nearly 14,000 people and from all over the world – not just the United States through my website. I know I am taking a chance being vulnerable like this and it opens the door for even more judgement of me. But you know what? The Lord is handling that part, so I don’t have to worry about it. Speaking of yoga, The Lord and putting this all together . . . There are times during my meditation that when I ask Him to let me talk to my Mama, He allows me to see her. (Keep in mind my Mama is in Heaven) Most of the time she doesn’t speak and of course none of this is in an audible voice. But a few weeks ago, I decided to meditate in the bathtub. I was sad and confused about why I am and have for at least my entire adult life been dealing with very painful mental health issues. These all stem from my childhood and carried on into my present day. I asked my Mama “Why? Why am I going through all this and for so long? Why do I have to suffer so much?” She answered, “You have been given a gift from The Lord.” I told her it didn’t feel like a gift. I told her I am exhausted. I asked her again how this could possibly be a gift. My Mama said again “He has given you a gift and you need to use it.” When I explained to her that it feels horrible, that I stand out among people around me and that it is embarrassing at times – I looked up at her again and she wasn’t there. The Lord only gives me snippets, but I am GRATEFUL for them. He answered my question though. He told me my life has been very difficult but He chose me to go through this only so I could help others. I try and remind myself this truth especially on the harder days. So, to recap the quote above – for today, here is the good . . .

I really have seen better and worse days. I know both will come. But I also know both will go. I definitely don’t have a lot of material things but that isn’t something I’ve ever really been interested in anyway and The Lord has ALWAYS miraculously taken care of ALL my needs. I do wake up with aches and pains and actually don’t sleep more than a few hours (not even consecutively) each night because my body has been trained to listen for Grayson and her seizures for almost 22 YEARS! But what stands out most in this saying for me is “but I woke up”. Most people take this for granted. However, I know all too well how easy it would be not to wake up. And to finish it out – No, my life is far from perfect because there is no such thing as perfection but blessed, I AM! I encourage you to go throughout each day being THANKFUL, APPRECIATIVE, AND GRATEFUL for every little thing. It could be the sun shining, running water, a washing machine, a beautiful child, an awesome friendship, a flower. The list is endless . . . Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste

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WHEN TO SOME PEOPLE – YOU COME WITH A WARNING LABEL

I have been through some hell especially in the last 12 months . . . at times not sure how or if I was gonna get through it. Wanna know my secret? YOGA! I’ve had this new, “not so little” tattoo for a bit now. *See pic below It is my actual body (photo cred to my daughter’s nurse), then I added the very bottom “message” and passed it on to my tattoo artist – Thank you, Jon Sanford! It is my body growing out of the lotus flower. The lotus flower is rooted in muddy, nasty water and flourishes into something beautiful. It reminds me every day something splendid can rise up out of ugliness. If you look closely you can see my actual thighs right above the petals as I am sitting in the lotus position itself. Speaking of the petals, I wanted eight of them to represent the eight limbs of yoga. Perhaps more on that another time.

What yoga has done for me is truly amazing! Not only amazing but transforming. Yeah, I have worked out on and off throughout the years but still would not consider myself athletic. A lot of people may think of yoga as just another way to exercise. And they wouldn’t be wrong. But that is not the true meaning of yoga. Yoga is mind, body, and spirit. This is definitely my journey to peace within. It has taught me or is actually still teaching me to replace wicked and negative thoughts in my head with positive, happy thoughts. I do quite literally have to tell myself sometimes when something makes me sad or anger pops in my brain, to change it by pushing it out and 1. Not allowing myself to think about it anymore and 2. Replacing it with something joyful. I now ask myself – is this, whatever “this” may be, bringing me happiness? Just today I discovered a new way to breathe during my practice – meaning the actual exercises I do during class. Because of all I have been enduring lately all I do is spew anger. And I mean SPEW! It is toxic to myself and those around me. My intention I set for myself today was to breathe for everyone in this entire world who is considered “less than” – in whatever and all ways that may be. Every time I inhaled, I took their sadness and every time I exhaled I spewed! But I spewed PEACE and imagined it raining down on them. I could go into so much more detail (as you know) about yoga but this post would never end. Ha, ha, ha! So, for today, here is the good . . . this is a process. It is a journey not a destination that I am trying to hurry to. I recently met with one of my dear friends who said to me she loved how I was open about my life being messy and how realistic I am. And a few months ago, one of my yogi friends said to me that she loved how I live my life out loud. These two have no idea how much of a compliment these statements are to me. For 43 years I have lived in so much fear of “what will other people think” with little sprinkles of me being my true self. Because of what yoga has done for me, I can fully embrace the Jane that The Lord has always meant for me to be. Who wouldn’t want to live out loud??? Now I know there will be bad times and sad times still to come but I am going to soak up and enjoy every bit of peace as a TRUE GIFT that The Lord is trying to give me. I sincerely hope you have a blessed weekend. Now go love yourself! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste

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Kloie

My Baby, my sunshine, my honeybun, my KloBo. My youngest daughter Kloie, who is now 18, has been states away in AmeriCorps for 3 ½ weeks today but it seems like months! I just wanted to write about her today because I miss her . . . fiercely. The night before she left I penned this . . .

This is the night before my KloBo, my Sunshine leaves to go to Vicksburg, Mississippi to join the AmeriCorps at just 18 years old. I’m lying in my bed at 11:27 p.m. knowing I have to get up at 3 a.m. to get her to the airport and I’m wondering and I’m thinking . . . ‘Will I be able to go on without her? Will the empty space, normally filled with late night singing, lots of random selfies left on my phone, and silliness, and loudness be filled with SCREAMING SILENCE?’ And I’m scared. I’m also thinking ‘Will she be okay without me?’ We are each other’s biggest fans and true supporters. I know this is good for her to go off and live an adventure at her age while she has no responsibilities, but it will also be good for her to get out of the drama that continues to unfold in our house. I’m not sure if she will ever know how much she means to me. When I call her my Sunshine it truly is what she is in my life. She brightens my heart. She brightens my face. She brightens my world. Because of this . . . I am a blessed Mama. Thank you, Lord, for choosing me and trusting me with this special gift from you . . . My Kloie Marie Hart.

And then we took her the next morning. We have talked in some form every day. I don’t know if she needs to talk to me, but I know she is looking out for me. She sends me positive quotes when I can’t seem to hold on to one. She encourages me to be strong and love myself when I’m sitting in a puddle of tears. She tells me funny stuff and we laugh about how there is so much ridiculousness in this world. I miss my adventures with her . . . our hippie city – Asheville, our gym rides home videoing our homemade concerts, our late-night dance parties and the list goes on. (There is so much more I could say but it would be a novel.)

For today, here is the good . . . So much of the above and my unique, unparalleled relationship I have with my beautiful daughter. This weekend I will be out Uber-ing and rocking out to all the new artists my Honeybun has shared with me. Top two faves are Miguel and JBalvin. And thanks to Kloie passing it on and Miguel’s “Pineapple Skies” I have a new “promise everything gon’ be alright”. Much Peace and Love Y’all. Enjoy your weekend and a few fun pics of my baby girl and me on our adventures. Onward with my and YOUR journey to PEACE and HAPPINESS . . .      *There are a couple of videos below as well just click on the tiny, little link ;~}

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Positive Purposeful Post

Pardon me for the interruption of the “Girl Gang” posts – the rest are coming – BUT it has been awhile since I have done a Positive Purposeful Post. I need one! I am so busy being chased WHILE ON MY HAMSTER WHEEL that quite honestly, I haven’t had the time but more importantly the brain cells left to hardly write at all! I love writing and miss it. It’s just this roller coaster I have been on doesn’t seem to have a STOP button. (Insert mind pic of me getting thrown from the ride into a lava filled, alligator infested swamp)

For those of you who may be new to my blog or may just have missed the meaning behind my “Positive Purposeful Post”(s) here is the explanation – The founding belief of this company is to bring you inspiring positivity one breath at a time. All our products reflect this very idea. For example, our LFTG (Look For The Good) jars are filled with inspirational sayings/quotes. Each saying/quote has a crack ‘n peel backing so if you want to you can stick it on something for a positive reminder or simply throw it back in for a random draw another day. Head on over to our SHOP and purchase your very own today or bless someone else with one! WE ONLY HAVE A FEW LEFT! So, having said that, periodically I will be doing my own random draw out of my personal LFTG jar and will be posting it on here with a story that emulates that message. These will be named “Positive Purposeful Post”. Time for another one below –

“Forget all the reasons why it won’t work and believe in the one reason why it will.”

Again – perfect timing! So, as you readers know our life, our “situation” (which it is so annoyingly referred to on a regular basis – even by me) is difficult. Challenging. Demanding. Heavy. Painful. Emotional. Toilsome. And the list goes on . . . You wouldn’t believe all the negative words I could use to describe my journey on having a child with special needs. But who needs all the negative? Where is the positive? That is the whole reason why I began this blog. I not only wanted to help others “Look for the good . . . .” but I needed it too! I still do, probably now more than ever. But just like the quote says “ . . . believe in the one reason why it will” is how I survive. I have to constantly look for the one good thing. Just one. No matter how small. This particular saying is screaming at me so loudly today because of another big question we are being faced with currently. WHERE ARE WE GOING TO LIVE? I will stop there for today only since no one wants to read a blogpost soooooo long. If you personally know me and are freaking out about this question – yes, you will have to wait for the next post too. So, for today here is the good . . . . I had time and the heart to write today. Writing is one of the few things that really makes me happy. I am thankful. Remember . . . Forget all the reasons why it won’t work and believe in the one reason why it will. Much Peace and Love Y’all!

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Positive Purposeful Post

“Always find time for the things that make you feel happy to be alive.”

You know now that I’m in my 40’s I am finding it more difficult to even remember what makes me happy to be alive. Does it have to be something grand and magnificent? I don’t think so. But maybe that’s because I am not a grand and magnificent kinda girl. I LOVE the little things. One of my sayings in life is “It’s all about the little things!” That’s the kinda girl I am. Some people don’t know how to take me. I am all kinds of deep thinker and talker; all kinds of feeling things very deeply. But I am also – it’s 6 p.m. on a Monday night cooking spaghetti while kitchen dancing with LL . . . Cool J that is for those of you who don’t know. Good gracious, bless it, LL is so awesome! Okay, squirrel, come back – back to the silly me. That’s the fun side. I am 10 o’clock at night teeth brushing, loud singing, putting on a concert Superstar Jane! I LOVE most kinds of music. Music can make you feel things deeply too. It has the power to take you to another time and place or another moment in your life.

Having all these snow days and other school holidays has really tested my mind to figure out just what things do make me happy to be alive. There really hasn’t been a chance to do much of anything else since we aren’t getting out of the house.

So, for today here is the good . . . I am going to do more of the things that make me happy to be alive. I love music! I love dancing (it’s ok that I only have ‘80’s moves)!  I love to sing to the top of my lungs even if it’s terrible! I love writing! I love painting! I love yoga! Oh and I love dress up parties! What do you love? What things make you feel happy to be alive? I challenge you to begin doing at least one and you may only think of one. That’s great! Go out, do it and be happy to be alive! Much Peace and Love Y’all! P.S. If you see somebody completely rocking out in a little, white minivan it’s probably me. Just smile and wave – I’ll do it back. Or you might as well join in  . . . 

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Positive Purposeful Post – Introducing PE! (And no it has nothing to do with working out or gym class)

“Wherever there is a human being there is an opportunity for kindness.” Seneca

If you have been one of my blog readers for any amount of time, especially reading the “Positive Purposeful Post”(s) then you know somehow each and every saying/quote impacts me in some amazing way. That is why I love pulling from my very own LFTG (Look for the good . . . ) jar for daily inspiration! The one I pulled today comes at a perfect time for me to tell you about what our company “Look for the good . . . “ is going to do to help people around THE WORLD!

I have come up with a super fun way to help others “Look for the good . . . “. Introducing . . . DRUM ROLL PLEASE . . . PE (Positivity Exchange)! Our MISSION is to spread positivity without stress! WHO – Middle school age and up. Male and females. No discrimination against the guys. We all need positivity! We want whoever comes to be able to sit (be still), play game, and learn about helping others to “Look for the good . . . “  while being inspired themselves. Sorry, but it isn’t playtime for the kids. WHAT – We are doing a sort of Dirty Santa gift exchange. HOWEVER, the point is to not be stressed about money or having to “buy” something. So, if you would like to buy something go for it! But there are lots of ideas out there that cost nothing to very little. DOLLAR TREE IS MY BEST FRIEND! Be creative! If you aren’t go visit Pinterest or Google. See below for examples too. Each person brings something to exchange and we draw numbers. Everyone goes home with a little positivity. We will explain game rules when you arrive. WHEN – once a month, Thursday nights, 6:30 – 8 p.m. (or whatever time you decide if you choose to be a hostess) WHERE – I will start hosting at my house of course and we will see where it goes. It may be that I always host at my house or if it grows we can move it. Also, I would love for this to happen ALL OVER THE WORLD so having said that I want others to host their own PE! I will be sending out an evite for some of my friends and if you would like to be part of my PE group just send me a message! I would love to have you!

Examples –

  1. Scratch piece of paper and write down something to inspire someone else. It can be a quote or saying, funny or serious. You can type it out or write it down. However, you want to give it.
  2. Starbucks gift card (like $5 – not expensive!)
  3. Socks (fuzzy, funny, whatever strikes you as happy and fun!)
  4. Homemade cookies or something similar.
  5. Hand lotion (y’all I love the dollar ones you can get that are small enough to go in your bag or pocket)
  6. Coloring books (you know they make the cool ones for adults now)
  7. Candles (vanilla scent or something relaxing – not stinky ;~} )
  8. Stationary (I love writing people little notes and I love getting them in the mail too! It makes someone feel special and know someone is thinking of them)
  9. Blanket
  10. Handmade necklace, bracelet, etc.

These are only a few ideas! Some of you may be jewelry makers. Some of you may hand make scarves/blankets, etc. Some of you may love drawing/painting and want to gift one of your pieces. There are so many options! What do you love? How can you inspire/uplift/encourage someone else with a gift? And again, don’t worry if you aren’t crafty. This is a super fun – no stress – way of exchanging positivity with others and helping each other to “Look for the good . . . “.  I will be giving gifts from my “Look for the good . . . “ collection. So my “Look for the good . . . “ family, friends, and followers the good . . . for today is – everything above! Yay! Much Peace and Love Y’all!

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Positive Purposeful Post

For those of you who may be new to our blog or may just have missed the meaning behind our “Positive Purposeful Post”(s) here is the explanation – The founding belief of this company is to bring you inspiring positivity one breath at a time. All of our products are a reflection of this very idea. For example, our LFTG (Look For The Good) jars are filled with inspirational sayings/quotes. Each saying/quote has a crack ‘n peel backing so if you want to you can stick it on something for a positive reminder or simply throw it back in for a random draw another day. Head on over to our SHOP and purchase your very own today or bless someone else with one! WE ONLY HAVE A FEW LEFT! So, having said that, periodically I will be doing my own random draw out of my personal LFTG jar and will be posting it on here with a story that emulates that message. These will be named “Positive Purposeful Post”. Time for another one below –

“If you are always trying to be ‘normal’ you will never know how amazing you can be.” Maya Angelou

Right? This is so true. However, it can be scary. So, most people think I love being in the limelight or love being the center of attention just because I don’t meet a stranger. Yes, it has been said numerous times “Jane will talk to a brick wall”. This is also true but what isn’t true is that I want all eyes on me. As extroverted as I am, I really don’t like everyone looking at me. I love speaking to anyone because it gives me a chance to learn about new things and new people.

This brings me to what happened yesterday. I was given the opportunity to be on one of our local television shows to announce the publication of my first book, My Summer with Jimmy and Nan Dee. While I was so excited to share this dream with others, at the same time, I was a nervous wreck. I was shaking and trying to remember what I was going to say. Then, it was time – 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 . . . and we’re on! Just in those few seconds I decided I should just be me. Being me isn’t everyone’s idea of being ‘normal’ – whatever that really means anyway. I am silly and animated. Very animated! I am also vulnerable and wear my heart on my sleeves. This leaves my feelings out there to be trampled on. But for today, here is the good . . . because I was determined yesterday to not be ‘normal’ I ended up being amazing! No, not in a bragging “I’m awesome” kinda way but I was amazing because I was passing on positivity AND if nothing else I got my message across – when you see or are around someone with special needs of any kind treat them like a human being. They are after all breathing – just like you. So, don’t be afraid to give a little bit of your sunshine away. If someone thinks you’re ‘abnormal’ because of it then be thankful you are strong enough to be you! You’re amazing! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Click on link for my live interview http://wspa.com/2017/12/05/my-summer-with-jimmy-nan-dee/

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Positive Purposeful Post – from the psych ward

For those of you who may be new to our blog or may just have missed the meaning behind our “Positive Purposeful Post”(s) here is the explanation – The founding belief of this company is to bring you inspiring positivity one breath at a time. All of our products are a reflection of this very idea. For example, our LFTG (Look For The Good) jars are filled with inspirational sayings/quotes. Each saying/quote has a crack ‘n peel backing so if you want to you can stick it on something for a positive reminder or simply throw it back in for a random draw another day. Head on over to our SHOP and purchase your very own today or bless someone else with one! (They come in two different sizes) So, having said that, periodically I will be doing my own random draw out of my personal LFTG jar and will be posting it on here with a story that emulates that message. These will be named “Positive Purposeful Post”. Time for another one below –

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” Albert Einstein

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha What is it I always say about these Positive Purposeful Posts? They always pertain to me and I bet they speak to most of you as well. Here at The Crazy Harts Club we have had even more than our “normal” craziness in the last few months. I know, I know I said back in September that details would be coming. It’s just how to tell it and when to tell it is complicated. I like this quote from Albert Einstein because of the truth it holds. Think about it – if you don’t keep pedaling your bicycle it will most certainly fall over. I tell people I know to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Just keep moving forward. It isn’t always easy. Sometimes we aren’t sure if we really can keep moving or if we even want to! At 41 years old I have been through more than a typical person’s fair share of wicked. But don’t you worry your pretty, little minds – all of the malicious, ill-natured, and scandalous juicy details will be coming out in my second book The Preacher’s Daughter. For now, I give you pieces of my present reality and show you how I continue to Look for the good . . . even when it seems there is none! There are days that I don’t feel like looking myself even though I know I could find some good . . . so I go to my dearest friends and they always help me come up with something. As I mentioned in my blogpost yesterday, my oldest daughter has been sick – we all have. It started Wednesday a week ago. I picked her up from school, took her home as usual and by the evening she had a fever. I know lots of people get fevers. Lots of people get sick. The difference for her is she has severe epilepsy so anytime she gets sick her seizures increase. The Saturday before she had eight seizures in less than 30 minutes, but we had no idea why. Of course, having a fever, I wasn’t going to send her to school on Thursday because we didn’t want anyone else to get sick. I took her to see her awesome doctor who is still peds but will see her until she is 21 (not looking forward to that change). I had nothing else to report. He checked ears, nose, throat – even had to cath her to check for a UTI. Nothing! Probably a virus we decided. On Friday, she had no fever all day until 3:23 p.m. (Yes, you know I love details!) Grayson’s nurse, Grace, arrived and I had just checked her temp again because I was leaving with my other daughter, Kloie, to go dress shopping for the Marine/Military Ball. Guess what it was . . . 104. 104!!! We put her in an almost cold bath to get it down. I set my alarm for every three hours throughout that night to alternate Motrin and Tylenol. Same thing happened during the day Saturday – no fever but she started coughing. Then later Saturday the fever came back, and we alternated those meds again. By the time Sunday rolled around, Grayson looked and sounded miserable with fever, cough, sneezing and runny nose. I had stayed in contact with her doctor’s office throughout the weekend and assumed they would just call her in some antibiotics. But no! They were afraid she might have pneumonia. You know the only way for us to find out with Grayson was to have a chest x-ray. Yep! Freakin’ emergency room here we come. Now because she is not technically pediatric anymore we have been pushed to the adult side. Nightmare! Kevin and I found the most remote part of the waiting room to sit in, so no one would get her sicker, but wouldn’t you know a whole family just had to come sit right across from us. Then, wouldn’t you know within minutes of that a whole ‘nother (that’s southern talkin’ right there) group comes up to them and begins chattin’ it up. Cousins, aunts, friends. Dang! They brought the whole street to the hospital with ’em. What is up with that? I mean they were having a hay day talking about family reunions and not liking this person or that. They were playing catch up and standing so close to Grayson’s wheelchair if they sneezed it would have rolled off away from us. Did I mention they were blocking the whole aisle to exit the emergency room? Yep! No thought for others whatsoever! Come on people! Please look around you. There was no self-awareness and that makes me insane! When we were called back to triage the nurse went through her typical line of questioning. The one that Kev and I had to keep from falling in the floor from was “Has she had any falls?” If you take one look at Grayson, you can tell she is severely handicap and does not walk. Falls? Really? Sometimes I want to respond in the most inappropriate ways, but it wouldn’t help for me to answer ignorance with even more stupidity. I grow so weary of it. Finally, off to a “room” meaning a curtain. As we were waiting and waiting, the TV is blaring and no remote control is anywhere to be found. It is also mounted so high on the wall there was no getting to it to manually turn it down. The doctor finally comes in and we give her the spiel all over again. I swear my life is on repeat. She got up to take a look at Grayson’s ears, nose, throat, etc. when she announced “Oh, yeah, I forgot there is nothing in this room to examine her with. Y’all are in the psych ward part of the ER. I’ll be right back.” That’s when I looked at Kevin and he looked at me and we laughed in hysterics. OF COURSE WE ARE IN THE PSYCH WARD! WE ARE THE CRAZY HARTS! WE COULDN’T POSSIBLY HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY! It was explained to us this was the only room/bed/curtain available at the time. I guess that would also explain the FREAKIN’ FIVE security guards positioned outside the curtain next to us. I guess it would also explain why there was no TV remote. Do people eat batteries? Y’all know this story could go on for days but I will wrap it up here. For today and for this little nugget of our life, here is the good . . . we were only in the ER for a couple of hours – instead of 8-12 hours. Grayson did not have pneumonia but bronchitis instead. She finished her antibiotics as of yesterday. She is back at school. And we are STILL putting one foot in front of the other. I hope you can do the same. Much Peace and Love Y’all!