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I Bid You Adieu . . .

“There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.” Jose N. Harris

Since my surgery two weeks ago I have had ample self-reflection time. I have also had more than enough silence surrounding me in my house because I can’t go anywhere or do anything. My silence screams! My silence can be deafening. The self-reflection has shown me where I have my own shortcomings. I have been able to look back at texts, in particular, to see where and if I had some fault in the heartbreaking outcomes of specific relationships. I have tried to apologize for my part and the ball is left in their court now. I am leaving it up to them to realize their part. We often assume the wrong thing because we don’t communicate about what we are actually feeling. I have failed in this. This has been shown to me directly involving my surgery. There are other relationships I have apologized multiple times for my part and yet the other parties remain selfish and unchanged. Good news for me is I can begin to let that go now but they will have to answer for their negativity. And yet one more relationship that has been on the forefront of my mind for weeks now. Some people don’t realize that even through texts they are still doing the very thing I asked them not to do. With all that I have been through, especially in the last few years, I am an easy target. They don’t want to look at their own shit and instead always focus on mine. Now that they have shown their true character I can begin to walk away from that drama as well and begin to heal.

As far as bidding adieu to my social media – you know as I have written here before . . . I was afraid not to write as much because I thought I would lose readers. Then I became afraid of shutting down social media because how else would people know I have written a blogpost unless I put it out there on Facebook or Instagram. The first was hard enough to overcome but I chose to be present in my life and not worry about putting the pressure on myself to “keep up”. However, staying on social media has proven to be more damaging to me than helpful in numerous ways. We are all looking for that “like” on Facebook. Or that comment that affirms we are “good enough”. We crave positive attention from others. Why? Because it feels good. Who doesn’t want to feel good? I know I do. But when we don’t get what we want from others it can turn into self-hatred. Strong word, huh? You may be thinking right now – ‘Not me’ but ask yourself – If no one acknowledged you or liked you or assured you of just how great you are . . . how would you feel? I am not putting down social media or the people who love it. Please, hear that. I am also not saying that maybe one day I will visit it again. I am saying to some it is very damaging, to others it can be fairly painful and to all it can leave us wondering sometimes – ‘Am I good enough?’

I am still learning and I do believe it will be a lifelong journey for me, that the only One I can depend on is The Lord. And maybe you don’t believe in Him. That is none of my business. I will tell you though if you look to anyone else to make you feel good about yourself you will drown. You may again say ‘Not me’ but it will come . . . sooner or later. So, work on loving yourself and trusting yourself now. You have been given a gift or maybe multiple gifts by being you. I am realizing my gifts aren’t obvious like others. I wasn’t born to BE something like a doctor or landscaper. I was born to do things that can’t always be seen only felt. I was born to love. I love others with a passion that is both a gift and a curse. I give all I have to my relationships with people. This oftentimes leaves me hurt and vulnerable. Therefore, I am learning to love the people who treat me right and pray for those who don’t. I crave openness and realness. It was drilled into me my entire life by my own Daddy, the man of God, the Preacher . . . “What will the church people think? What will others think?” Ironic because that is NOT what The Lord says at all! I am having to retrain my brain after 43 YEARS of damage. My hope for you is no matter if you are older or younger than 43 that you will stop the madness NOW! Just this morning I decided I am going to make a list of all the good . . . things about myself. Then I will make copies and place them in different places, even on my phone, to remind me I AM GOOD ENOUGH! I don’t need a list of the negative things. Those are branded into my brain and are readily available even when I don’t ask for them.

So, for today here is the good . . . I am good enough. My list will be great! Take a look at yourself and clean up the things you need to, apologize for your damage, forgive yourself and go love yourself, Sugar! Much Peace and Love, Y’all! Namaste P.S. I will continue to write here on my blog and vlog on our YouTube channel – Crazy Harts Club. You can reach me here and there. You can also subscribe to both of them for free. Have a unicorn spewing glitter kind of weekend!

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Positive Purposeful Post

“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” Carl Bard, American writer and editor

I often laugh out loud when I draw from my very own LFTG (Look for the good) jar even if I am having a rough day. Today is no different. Why is it always great timing? Probably because The Lord sits at my kitchen table where my LFTG jar is located and He has His hands all in it. #THANKFUL

So, for my devoted readers you already know a lot about me, my life and especially if you have been following this past year to year and a half – you know the intense messiness I have been living in . . . or more honestly – the excessive chaos I have been drowning in. My marriage would be at the top of this list. This is not to embarrass my husband, my girls or myself but to simply live out loud in order to help others do the same. I have had many conversations with The Lord during my meditations and don’t just feel but I KNOW He has called me to be my true self. What this means is I have to be vulnerable and open about my life paired with my gift and love for writing He has given me. This call upon me has been more difficult than easy. The blogging and vlogging I absolutely LOVE! The being transparent part not so much sometimes because it leaves the door wide open for judgement.

The above quote can be applied to lots of situations in my life and your life. So, take it wherever it serves you best. For me and in this very moment my marriage is what comes to mind. I have been married now for over 20 years. Wow! That is most of my adult life since I married fairly young. We started out with a ready-made family. I already had Grayson, our now almost 22-year-old daughter. My husband, Kevin, and I were set up on a date by one of my high school friends. She had just gotten married and I told her to tell him everything there was to know about me before he ever laid eyes on me. This included me having to give my first daughter up for adoption (*see “I’m a Grandmama” post) and now having my second daughter by a second man who I was told would not live to her first birthday. Keep in mind Grayson’s first birthday was one month away from when I met Kevin. He decided that yes, he still wanted to go out with me. For years now, however off and on, I often have asked myself – “What was Kevin thinking? A man in his early twenties taking on such major responsibility? Why? Why would he do that?” That thinking comes from my dark place. The place where secrets and lies have almost killed me. The place where Satan lives. The place where it is so dark, I don’t want to live anymore.

It wasn’t too far into our relationship that I became pregnant – yes, once again and Kevin and I were married. I look back at all the challenges and all the adversity we have faced. For over 20 years now I have held onto hurts instead of letting them go and holding onto hope. I have chosen fear to drive me instead of faith that God can change things. I have raged with anger instead of bestowing forgiveness. I have sat and cried over sadness instead of cherishing the good times. These all make me feel heartbroken over the amount of time I have wasted.

For today, here is the good . . . I can choose to start from now and make a brand new ending. This doesn’t mean I won’t have bad days. This doesn’t mean I won’t feel sad or hurt or angry ever again. This means I am choosing love over hate. I have so much to be forgiven for myself. Today I am looking at Kevin as a human being. You hear (read) me say all the time how there is no such thing as perfection. So why would I expect him to be? Why would I expect myself to be? I ask you now – what are you going to choose today? Love or hate? Hurt or hope? Fear or faith? Anger or forgiveness? Sadness or Happiness? None of these are always easy. In fact, for me most of them are hard most of the time when I am thinking about certain issues in my life. I will continue to try though. When I fall down and don’t choose positivity over negativity, I will try to give myself some grace. I will simply get back up and try again. Whatever it is you are being challenged to do, whether it is big or small, try and remember . . . “Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” And of course, also try and remember to Look for the good . . . Know you are not alone. I am right there with you. I hope you have a blessed day. Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste

 

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Thankful Thursday meets Freedom Friday

Since my life continues to become more eventful, that also brings more color. If you go back and read “My Story” on the homepage of my website you will see I describe my life like it’s a bag of Skittles. You know how it is. You reach in the bag and you never know what you’re going to pull out. Maybe you have a favorite flavor. Mine happens to be Green Apple but I like all of them even though I’m not much of a candy eater. So even though they are all different (just like us humans of this whole entire world) we can still intermix with each other. Also, because of the varying shades of the rainbow they all have a distinct taste but are still loved by so many. That little sidetrack (which is how my ADHD mind operates) has a point believe it or not. It is so lively in the Crazy Harts Club and that extends beyond inside these four walls, now that I have my oldest daughter, Rachel, and a grandson. Bringing it full circle for you . . . I am busy as a beaver, gnawing on logs and building my life, so sometimes I can’t blog/vlog everyday. That is why I am combining Thursday and Friday this week. These will be bullet points to make it easy for you and to remind me how GRATEFUL I am for the simple things. Read below how they flow together . . .

  • Water – mine is clean which gives me freedom to drink it, so I don’t get thirsty; freedom to wash my body and clothes with it.
  • Birds – beautiful songs they sing bring freedom to my heart and mind when I find myself in a stressful moment; I am reminded how their little chirps sound so happy and it brings a smile to my face.
  • Breathing – I take this one for granted but since becoming a yoga teacher I have learned more purposeful breathing which allows me the freedom to get through challenging situations and bring more calm into my life.
  • Being still – speaking of challenging because of my anxiety and ADHD, I am like a pile of snapping bugs constantly being thumped. Pop, pop, pop! All over the place. But I am consciously making the choice most days to sit and actually listen to what The Lord is trying to show and/or tell me. In a world of busyness, He clearly states all through the Bible and in my daily devotions that we need to stop “doing” (so much) and start “being”. Gosh, I LOVE that! Just BE . . . YOU!!!
  • Last (for today) but not least and most importantly actually – I am thankful for –

KEVIN – my husband, for being supportive of our newfound daughter and grandson; for giving me the attention I deserve; for changing the negativity; this will be THE GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER!

RACHEL – my 24-year-old daughter, whose life is parallel to mine especially when I was younger; for her success in finding me; for her determination in pushing through pain and finding peace on the other side; remember it takes time and is a journey, my beautiful daughter! (and my precious grandson that I can’t believe I have been blessed with!)

GRAYSON – my 21-year-old daughter, who because of her I became a great mama; for her teaching me patience; for her allowing me to witness an amazing life even through her silence and for her teaching me how to love ALL people. What a gift you are, my Angel Face!

KLOIE – my 19-year-old daughter, who because of her I have lived; for her empowering me to be myself like she has at such a young age when most people are against it; for our endless ridiculous nighttime funny outbursts, car concerts, and singing our sentences instead of talking them; This is why you, KloBo, are my Sunshine! You shine so bright that it covers my darkness and keeps me going. My little Christmas present.

*And the baby dogs, Bella & Copper of course!

As per my usual writing tendencies this could go on forever. . . all the people and things I am thankful for bring freedom each in their own way . . . to me and to others. For today, here is the good . . . my list of Thankful Freedoms. I ask you, will you make your own list? Maybe life has too many negatives in it right now for you to come up with multiple things and that’s okay too. I beg you to find at least ONE. Write down ONE person, place, or thing that you are thankful for and write out beside it how it brings you FREEDOM. JUST ONE. Then carry it around with you. Tape it to the back of your phone. Keep it in your pocket. Stick it on something you see many times a day. We all need reminders of the good . . . in our life because it is easy to see the bad. Have a fabulous weekend! Now go do your homework! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste

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WHEN TO SOME PEOPLE – YOU COME WITH A WARNING LABEL

I have been through some hell especially in the last 12 months . . . at times not sure how or if I was gonna get through it. Wanna know my secret? YOGA! I’ve had this new, “not so little” tattoo for a bit now. *See pic below It is my actual body (photo cred to my daughter’s nurse), then I added the very bottom “message” and passed it on to my tattoo artist – Thank you, Jon Sanford! It is my body growing out of the lotus flower. The lotus flower is rooted in muddy, nasty water and flourishes into something beautiful. It reminds me every day something splendid can rise up out of ugliness. If you look closely you can see my actual thighs right above the petals as I am sitting in the lotus position itself. Speaking of the petals, I wanted eight of them to represent the eight limbs of yoga. Perhaps more on that another time.

What yoga has done for me is truly amazing! Not only amazing but transforming. Yeah, I have worked out on and off throughout the years but still would not consider myself athletic. A lot of people may think of yoga as just another way to exercise. And they wouldn’t be wrong. But that is not the true meaning of yoga. Yoga is mind, body, and spirit. This is definitely my journey to peace within. It has taught me or is actually still teaching me to replace wicked and negative thoughts in my head with positive, happy thoughts. I do quite literally have to tell myself sometimes when something makes me sad or anger pops in my brain, to change it by pushing it out and 1. Not allowing myself to think about it anymore and 2. Replacing it with something joyful. I now ask myself – is this, whatever “this” may be, bringing me happiness? Just today I discovered a new way to breathe during my practice – meaning the actual exercises I do during class. Because of all I have been enduring lately all I do is spew anger. And I mean SPEW! It is toxic to myself and those around me. My intention I set for myself today was to breathe for everyone in this entire world who is considered “less than” – in whatever and all ways that may be. Every time I inhaled, I took their sadness and every time I exhaled I spewed! But I spewed PEACE and imagined it raining down on them. I could go into so much more detail (as you know) about yoga but this post would never end. Ha, ha, ha! So, for today, here is the good . . . this is a process. It is a journey not a destination that I am trying to hurry to. I recently met with one of my dear friends who said to me she loved how I was open about my life being messy and how realistic I am. And a few months ago, one of my yogi friends said to me that she loved how I live my life out loud. These two have no idea how much of a compliment these statements are to me. For 43 years I have lived in so much fear of “what will other people think” with little sprinkles of me being my true self. Because of what yoga has done for me, I can fully embrace the Jane that The Lord has always meant for me to be. Who wouldn’t want to live out loud??? Now I know there will be bad times and sad times still to come but I am going to soak up and enjoy every bit of peace as a TRUE GIFT that The Lord is trying to give me. I sincerely hope you have a blessed weekend. Now go love yourself! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste

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Kloie

My Baby, my sunshine, my honeybun, my KloBo. My youngest daughter Kloie, who is now 18, has been states away in AmeriCorps for 3 ½ weeks today but it seems like months! I just wanted to write about her today because I miss her . . . fiercely. The night before she left I penned this . . .

This is the night before my KloBo, my Sunshine leaves to go to Vicksburg, Mississippi to join the AmeriCorps at just 18 years old. I’m lying in my bed at 11:27 p.m. knowing I have to get up at 3 a.m. to get her to the airport and I’m wondering and I’m thinking . . . ‘Will I be able to go on without her? Will the empty space, normally filled with late night singing, lots of random selfies left on my phone, and silliness, and loudness be filled with SCREAMING SILENCE?’ And I’m scared. I’m also thinking ‘Will she be okay without me?’ We are each other’s biggest fans and true supporters. I know this is good for her to go off and live an adventure at her age while she has no responsibilities, but it will also be good for her to get out of the drama that continues to unfold in our house. I’m not sure if she will ever know how much she means to me. When I call her my Sunshine it truly is what she is in my life. She brightens my heart. She brightens my face. She brightens my world. Because of this . . . I am a blessed Mama. Thank you, Lord, for choosing me and trusting me with this special gift from you . . . My Kloie Marie Hart.

And then we took her the next morning. We have talked in some form every day. I don’t know if she needs to talk to me, but I know she is looking out for me. She sends me positive quotes when I can’t seem to hold on to one. She encourages me to be strong and love myself when I’m sitting in a puddle of tears. She tells me funny stuff and we laugh about how there is so much ridiculousness in this world. I miss my adventures with her . . . our hippie city – Asheville, our gym rides home videoing our homemade concerts, our late-night dance parties and the list goes on. (There is so much more I could say but it would be a novel.)

For today, here is the good . . . So much of the above and my unique, unparalleled relationship I have with my beautiful daughter. This weekend I will be out Uber-ing and rocking out to all the new artists my Honeybun has shared with me. Top two faves are Miguel and JBalvin. And thanks to Kloie passing it on and Miguel’s “Pineapple Skies” I have a new “promise everything gon’ be alright”. Much Peace and Love Y’all. Enjoy your weekend and a few fun pics of my baby girl and me on our adventures. Onward with my and YOUR journey to PEACE and HAPPINESS . . .      *There are a couple of videos below as well just click on the tiny, little link ;~}

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Breathe

“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens.” Mandy Hale

Y’all KNOW this is challenging for me. I am organized. I am a planner. I run 100 miles an hour with my ADHD. And trust . . . ha, ha TRUST has become an ugly word to me. I am taking steps (remember the last blog post) to break this thought process of not trusting. Forty-two years and most of that has been without trust so it will definitely take a while. I suppose I do have time to see what happens.  

Remember I told you I was going to take you on a journey with me and I have no idea where it is going or what it is going to look like. Well, that truth still remains. For the moment it is less of a roller coaster and more of a Jeep ride with no doors on a winding, mountain road. I have been praying more recently than I have in a while. I became reckless after “figuratively” collapsing under all the weight on my shoulders. I say to myself and out loud every day “Thank you, Lord, for saving me! You saved me!” and He really did. You have no idea! I also remind you and myself to let us stop judging each other and instead support each other. ‘Ya know that’s not always easy to do especially if we don’t agree with the topic at hand. However, if we truly love those we say we do then we support them as they ask and need. I continue to ask that of you for me and my family.

For today, here is the good . . . I am strong. You are strong. We are stronger than we think. Even if you are a planner and your personality tends to be more like mine . . . I am telling you to breathe. I am telling you to try and find trust. I am telling you to let go and yes, see what happens. I encourage you to find those people in your life who will positively support you wherever you are in your journey and I hope you will do that for them as well. Much Peace and Love Y’all!

Onward with my and YOUR journey to PEACE and HAPPINESS . . .

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Positive Purposeful Post (P3)

“When it rains, look for rainbows. When it’s dark, look for stars.”

But what if you’re in a dank, tenebrous cave? How can you even see rainbows or stars? It isn’t possible. What if all you see is darkness? What do you do?

You wait. I know most of us don’t like that word. Especially if the wait seems endless. I feel like I am in a war of sorts. It is the never-ending war with numerous battles to be fought on what seems to be a daily basis. I feel like bombs are being dropped on me and they don’t just explode and it’s over. The impact has a domino effect. It’s like skipping a rock on top of water and watching the ripples go on and on – that is until another rock is thrown. Then I start all over with the chaos.

What are we supposed to do while we are waiting? Well, for one, I pray. I am trying to find my way back closer to The Lord now. Sometimes things are beyond stressful in my life and I can’t see Him. I can’t hear Him. Sometimes it feels like He is nowhere to be found. I know deep down that isn’t true but it’s how I feel.

So, I had a little convo with The Lord the other day. No, seriously, y’all, I did. I told Him I needed some good . . . Of course, in all honesty I think He must be somewhat amused with my ridiculousness – me thinking I can tell Him what to do. But guess what . . .

He really did answer my prayer. For today, here is the good . . . I heard back from Barnes & Noble (of all places – Barnes & Freakin’ Noble! They are huge!) that they are going to have a book signing event for me. What? What? I am so blessed, and this couldn’t have come at a better time. I wanted this to happen weeks and weeks ago, but it never did. Now I sit and think “Yes, Lord, it’s all in YOUR timing, not mine”. This works out better because of the upcoming holiday season and I have more time now to prepare. I am beyond excited to announce Barnes & Noble book signing event for my very first book, My Summer with Jimmy & Nan Dee! Details to come in the next few days. All I can say is don’t give up. Maybe it takes me telling you that or someone else. My amazing neighbor/friend/mother figure, Nancy, told me that very thing. She said just when you feel like you can’t take anymore then something wonderful happens. And trust me – it does! All glory be to God – for real! Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Have a fabulous weekend! Much Peace and Love Y’all!

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18 YEARS of . . .

Happy Anniversary to yes, still my best friend, Kevin! So, it has been 18 YEARS of . . . gosh, where do I begin? What has our relationship looked like? What are some good times? What are some low times? Who is Kevin to me? Here we go . . . 1. Love at first sight (for me, not him) 2. Kevin embracing and actually talking to Grayson when they first saw each other in Easley, S. C. even though he was told death was knocking at my baby’s door 3. Warming up our cars on frigid mornings at our first apartment 4. Filling ice trays and eating either a Christmas Wreath or Taco Wreath all the time (because I have NEVER liked to cook) 5. Pink/white baby Nikes, a leather jacket, and a fishing pole 6. Asking me to marry him, down on one knee, “behind the curtain” 7. We became a family of 3 and Kev vowed in a special part of our wedding ceremony to always take care of us! 8. We brought our (always blooming) Kloie baby into this world a little early and two days before Christmas. Best. Christmas. Present. Ever. 9. Double Diaper Duty, Double Feedings, Double because Grayson never could . . . 10. Wiener daddy already and then rescues another wiener just because (be still my heart) 11. Sock Man 12. Giver of the best Valentine’s Day Gifts 13. Recliners made out of sand on the beach for his babies 14. Safe place to fall – Grayson snuggled under her daddy’s arm, leaning into his chest, and her legs wrapped around his so he can’t get away (she still does this!); Kloie riding on his back as a little one or taking special Jeep rides around the ‘hood now as a teenager; Reesy’s little resting spot on the back of his neck 15. The many sacrifices to take care of us – The “BLUICK” 16. Always taking care of my mama’s grave 17. Kevin is just plain ingenious! 18. Being forever my dress up partner. He loves to get into character!

And the many reasons I love Kevin go on and on. There have been mountains and there have been valleys. A lot of marriages don’t survive these days for any number of reasons. Having a severely handicapped child for our entire marriage on top of the typical tough times in life has put a great weight on our shoulders BUT the Lord, God, Himself continues to somehow keep Kevin and I together. We may get knocked down but we always get back up – whether it is one of us pulling on or kicking the other one back up – we always get back up. So, for today here is the good . . . Thank you, Lord, for 18 years of smiling, frowning, laughing, crying and giving me a partner to do this crazy thing called life with. Much Peace and Love Y’all!  Enjoy all the pics below . . . 

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Mama’s Day

I really hope I don’t miss anyone as I am writing this. I want to take this time to acknowledge those ladies that were in my life and/or are in my life that have been a wonderful example of a mother to me. I wish I could write all the amazing things about them but I am afraid this post would never end! So here are the little blurbs about them –

Mama – Most importantly is my very own Mama. She brought me into this world and loved me for only a short time before she was killed when I was nine years old. But she loved me well and even though I don’t really remember her, I love hearing stories from those that knew her. She was beautiful – inside and out. She was always thinking of others. Two things I always treasure hearing about her is – 1. If you walked into her kitchen, opened the fridge and saw hardly anything, she could take those few things and make a gourmet meal out of them. She didn’t panic or get frustrated. She lived in the moment. So much so it brings me to 2. She could be in the middle of cooking supper and would see a beautiful sunset or a rose blooming and outside she would go. She would just stop what she was doing and paint the Good Lord’s beauty in nature. Happy Mother’s Day in Heaven, Mama!

Camille – one of Grayson’s home nurses who would listen endlessly to me about some of my most difficult days in life and she would offer comfort and new ways to look at the situation. Thank you, Camille! Happy Mother’s Day!

“Chrisma” – one of Grayson’s home nurses who guided me in my young mothering days. Thank you, “Chrisma”! Happy Mother’s Day!

Cathy Bell & Gail King – two ladies in the church I grew up in that kept my sister and I a lot after mama died while my daddy was marrying or burying someone, blessing or forgiving someone. Cathy is now in Heaven with my mama. Happy Mother’s Day in Heaven, Cathy! Happy Mother’s Day, Gail!

Susie – like a mother to me and a Mamaw to both my girls. Susie was always helping me take care of Grayson before I met Kevin. She taught me how to craft things and most fun of all was being her assistant in weddings doing floral arrangements. She taught me so much!

Marg – my oldest sister. It is painful to write about her right now as my feelings are still extremely hurt by my family. However, the truth is still the truth . . . Marg guided me through my very first pregnancy and was in the delivery room helping to hold my legs and tell me to breathe while I was giving birth. She allowed me to interrupt her life by living with her (it wasn’t my choice and it was forced on her) in my late teens. She helped get me started with kitchen and bedroom stuff in my first apartment. She made sure Grayson always had a place at the table. She wasn’t afraid to feed Grayson. She helped lift Grayson and change her diaper. The greatest of Marg is how she put her bathing suit on (this happened more than once), put a cooler in the shower, sat down on it, reached out for Grayson and held the squirming alligator child while I bathed her. My sister used to be ALL IN not just for me but for my Grayson and my Kloie too. I just don’t know what happened . . . but I wish her a Happy Mother’s Day!

Nancy – my awesome neighbor who is definitely like a mama to me and a grandmama to my girls. She takes care of Kevin too! I have been known to call Nancy before 911 in an emergency. Yep, that’s how much trust I have in her. She has been and still is a friend, a mama, a grandmama, a neighbor, a counselor, my cheerleader, a teacher and well, the list goes on. One thing she is great at is coming up with “Nancyisms”. Funny stories Happy Mother’s Day, Nancy!

Terrie – and this one. Oh what can I say about Terrie aka Mama 2? She was my neighbor when I was in elementary school so I knew her before my mama died. When my mama was killed and my Southern Baptist Preacher Daddy was gone constantly, Terrie would come over in the middle of the night to stay with my sister, Amey, and me even though she had her own husband and two little ones at home. I would eat supper over there as much as I was allowed (by my daddy not her. She loved having me over.) Our choices were frozen pizza or cereal! What the heck? A kids dream! She would French braid my hair super early before school. I would walk across the street and live in her presence as much as I could because I knew she loved me. There was always something going on at her house so I didn’t feel as lonely. All the neighborhood kids played over there. She moved away when I was in high school. Our relationship didn’t end there. We have been in touch over the years and at one point in my late teens/perhaps early 20’s (BRAIN BLOCK) she was going to let me live with her. I still love her as much as I always have! Happy Mother’s Day, Mama 2!

So, for today here is the good . . . Happy Mother’s Day to ALL! I don’t care how you became a mama or who/what you are a mama to (our dogs are children too) but I hope there is Much Peace and Love Y’all! Have a great weekend!

 

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I apologize . . .

I apologize for a couple of things today. First, I have not blogged in almost two weeks. Second, this blogpost will probably be random and rambling – but that is truly me. So let’s get to it –

My heart is full! I can’t even explain ‘how’ but perhaps ‘why’. If I were to tell you all the crappy things that happen seriously EVERY SINGLE DAY to me then you would also wonder ‘how’ my heart is full. But the ‘why’ is simple. Simple yet difficult. It is The Lord, God Almighty, Jesus Himself. Simple but so, so hard to listen to Him or talk to Him or follow Him and definitely hard to live for Him. For me it is anyway. But something, which I have to describe as The Holy Spirit  because there is no other explanation, has inspired me. And listen I have a hard time understanding who The Holy Spirit is and really does even though I have grown up in a Christian home my entire life. He lives through me. Yeah, yeah I have heard it all my life – to let Jesus live through you but lately I have felt it so consistently it’s honestly a little scary. I wait for the other shoe to drop. I wait for what’s around the corner. I know my life is very difficult. BUT (and there are a lot of buts in here today) I am talking to Him sooooo much now. I have more and more conversations with The Lord it is unreal. And yeah, yeah we always hear “He is right beside you” but do we actually live that out? I have been trying more lately and y’all I can be standing in a pile of doo doo and praise the Lord. Yep! It’s weird! We are all hurting over something or have in the past or will in the future. I implore you today, RIGHT NOW, to Look for the good . . . in all you think, say, and do. The more you do it the more natural it becomes and then all of a sudden you are experiencing blessings all around you that would never have looked like a blessing before. For today, here is the good . . . I, Jane J. Hart, have a Father (Jesus) who never stops loving me even when I mess up – which is daily. I have been blessed with a husband, my Kev, who is supportive, responsible, works hard and gives his all to take care of me and our girls. I have been blessed with a severely handicap daughter, Grayson, who is a beautiful soul trapped in a body that won’t let her do anything – not speak, not hold, not do anything by herself – but that is only temporary and God thought enough of me to trust me to take care of her and love her and get to experience a miracle through her. I have been blessed with a typical (not handicap), not-so-typical free spirit, hippie, crazy smart daughter, Kloie, who is truly my sunshine not just on cloudy days but every day. How, not lucky, but blessed am I by God to have this gift of a family? I told you He has a sense of humor! May you look for and find your real blessings today. Have a great weekend. Peace and Love Y’all!

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