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I Bid You Adieu . . .

“There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.” Jose N. Harris

Since my surgery two weeks ago I have had ample self-reflection time. I have also had more than enough silence surrounding me in my house because I can’t go anywhere or do anything. My silence screams! My silence can be deafening. The self-reflection has shown me where I have my own shortcomings. I have been able to look back at texts, in particular, to see where and if I had some fault in the heartbreaking outcomes of specific relationships. I have tried to apologize for my part and the ball is left in their court now. I am leaving it up to them to realize their part. We often assume the wrong thing because we don’t communicate about what we are actually feeling. I have failed in this. This has been shown to me directly involving my surgery. There are other relationships I have apologized multiple times for my part and yet the other parties remain selfish and unchanged. Good news for me is I can begin to let that go now but they will have to answer for their negativity. And yet one more relationship that has been on the forefront of my mind for weeks now. Some people don’t realize that even through texts they are still doing the very thing I asked them not to do. With all that I have been through, especially in the last few years, I am an easy target. They don’t want to look at their own shit and instead always focus on mine. Now that they have shown their true character I can begin to walk away from that drama as well and begin to heal.

As far as bidding adieu to my social media – you know as I have written here before . . . I was afraid not to write as much because I thought I would lose readers. Then I became afraid of shutting down social media because how else would people know I have written a blogpost unless I put it out there on Facebook or Instagram. The first was hard enough to overcome but I chose to be present in my life and not worry about putting the pressure on myself to “keep up”. However, staying on social media has proven to be more damaging to me than helpful in numerous ways. We are all looking for that “like” on Facebook. Or that comment that affirms we are “good enough”. We crave positive attention from others. Why? Because it feels good. Who doesn’t want to feel good? I know I do. But when we don’t get what we want from others it can turn into self-hatred. Strong word, huh? You may be thinking right now – ‘Not me’ but ask yourself – If no one acknowledged you or liked you or assured you of just how great you are . . . how would you feel? I am not putting down social media or the people who love it. Please, hear that. I am also not saying that maybe one day I will visit it again. I am saying to some it is very damaging, to others it can be fairly painful and to all it can leave us wondering sometimes – ‘Am I good enough?’

I am still learning and I do believe it will be a lifelong journey for me, that the only One I can depend on is The Lord. And maybe you don’t believe in Him. That is none of my business. I will tell you though if you look to anyone else to make you feel good about yourself you will drown. You may again say ‘Not me’ but it will come . . . sooner or later. So, work on loving yourself and trusting yourself now. You have been given a gift or maybe multiple gifts by being you. I am realizing my gifts aren’t obvious like others. I wasn’t born to BE something like a doctor or landscaper. I was born to do things that can’t always be seen only felt. I was born to love. I love others with a passion that is both a gift and a curse. I give all I have to my relationships with people. This oftentimes leaves me hurt and vulnerable. Therefore, I am learning to love the people who treat me right and pray for those who don’t. I crave openness and realness. It was drilled into me my entire life by my own Daddy, the man of God, the Preacher . . . “What will the church people think? What will others think?” Ironic because that is NOT what The Lord says at all! I am having to retrain my brain after 43 YEARS of damage. My hope for you is no matter if you are older or younger than 43 that you will stop the madness NOW! Just this morning I decided I am going to make a list of all the good . . . things about myself. Then I will make copies and place them in different places, even on my phone, to remind me I AM GOOD ENOUGH! I don’t need a list of the negative things. Those are branded into my brain and are readily available even when I don’t ask for them.

So, for today here is the good . . . I am good enough. My list will be great! Take a look at yourself and clean up the things you need to, apologize for your damage, forgive yourself and go love yourself, Sugar! Much Peace and Love, Y’all! Namaste P.S. I will continue to write here on my blog and vlog on our YouTube channel – Crazy Harts Club. You can reach me here and there. You can also subscribe to both of them for free. Have a unicorn spewing glitter kind of weekend!

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It’s February!

Ahh, February – the month of love. However, I want love year ‘round. All kinds of love! Today I am going to express my gratefulness to my tribe, my people, my girl gang. I want to take time to shout out to them how much I love them, appreciate them and need them. The next several posts are going to address each one of them individually. I refer to them in the acknowledgements of my first book as “my little circle of girlfriends who are strong, fierce, and aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty in this thing we call life.” Each one of them is different from the other and even from me but I share a common thread with them as well. Each is strong and fierce and doing something to make this world a better place. Don’t get me wrong I have other friends who are wonderful, but this blog post is just about MY CIRCLE. For today, here is the good . . .  I don’t consider it luck but instead a blessing to have these 5 ladies be such an important part of my life. Cheers to you (in alphabetical order of last names because you are all equally important to me) DB, AG, BO, LP, SP!  I ask you Look for the good . . . family and friends – who are your people? Who makes you laugh until you snort? Who let’s you cry on them with your snotty nose and salty tears? Who listens to your same freakin’ story so many times it can be exhausting yet they let you continue to do it? Who are you blessed with? Be sure to let them know how awesome they are ASAP. Much Peace and Love Y’all!

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And the announcement is . . .

It’s official! I am now a real author! My very first book, My Summer with Jimmy & Nan Dee, has now been published!!!

We all have dreams – don’t we? Or maybe we once did but forgot about them or simply think “it’s too late”. Well, I employ you DON’T GIVE UP! I have had many difficulties in my life. I have wanted to quit. But the Lord isn’t done with me so He somehow keeps me going. I keep getting back up. And look at me now! One of my actual life dreams has come true! I wanted to be a writer – so I did it. I wanted to write a whole freakin’ book! AND I DID IT! You can make one of your dreams come true too!

So, about My Summer with Jimmy & Nan Dee – it is a quick read that may make you laugh and cry. It will encourage you to take your own journey at your own speed. You don’t have to be anyone but you!

I will be having a book signing event in a few weeks after school gets back in session. I would much rather see you in person though. I love meeting new people and catching up with old friends. I am also available to meet you locally to skip shipping costs. However, if you don’t want to wait a few weeks my book is also available on Amazon.com as well. I can’t believe it! I’m on Amazon! That link will also be on the homepage here on our website shortly. So, for today here is the good . . . all the above! Much Peace and Love Y’all!

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Hey Y’all!

Hey Y’all! Here we go. This is going to be fun! I hope you will find this entertaining, uplifting, and positively inspiring. I will be sharing our life here at The Crazy Harts Club with you. Some days you may laugh or cry – maybe even both. There may be the days you are like WHAT??? THIS CAN’T BE TRUE! But to tell you how this all got started in a nutshell – okay who am I kidding my nutshell is usually the size of a submarine. I am all things detailed. Here’s our story . . .

There is my husband, Kevin, our 18 year old daughter, Grayson, our 16 year old daughter, Kloie, and me (and I am 40 now – eek)! Of course we really should count the super wiener dog, Reesy, and beautiful mixed mutt, Bella. We are what I would like to call your very average family here in the deep South with ONE difference, however, very significant. My oldest daughter, Grayson, is severely handicapped. As time goes on I will fill you in on the particulars but for now just know this is where Look for the good . . . came from. Every day and I mean every day I literally have to stop and search for positive things in my world. Grayson’s health is continuing to decline. I don’t like to admit it, say it, or even type it out. I realized it as she was lying in the hospital bed on January 15 after her VNS revision surgery. She seemed frail, helpless – even more than usual. It has been a year and a half since we began to see a new type of seizure – audiogenic seizures and several weeks ago Kevin and I have now noticed another type – light induced seizures. She has multiple seizures everyday of different types. They are mostly silent so we have no idea how many she has when we aren’t watching – especially at night. Every morning I wake up and pray to God that I don’t walk into her room and find her dead. It is a very real thought and I truly think about it EVERY morning. For us it is a continual mental, physical, emotional, financial, social, and spiritual battle. We are exhausted most days from fighting through it all. Having a child/loved one who is severely handicapped is something that really can’t be explained. I know The Lord chose me to be Grayson’s mama. He knows what He is doing even if I never will. I am blessed to have a husband who is responsible, loves us, and works very hard, a 16 year old daughter who lets me experience all the “typical” good and bad things children do, and an 18 year old daughter who has allowed me to experience a completely different world that most will never experience. Sometimes just by looking in Grayson’s eyes through her silence it makes my heart smile. We all have stresses but I am willing to bet you can find at the very least one good thing every day. Like right now I am thankful I am alive and am able to share our adventure with you!

Much peace and love to all,
Jane J. Hart
Family Pic