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I Bid You Adieu . . .

“There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.” Jose N. Harris

Since my surgery two weeks ago I have had ample self-reflection time. I have also had more than enough silence surrounding me in my house because I can’t go anywhere or do anything. My silence screams! My silence can be deafening. The self-reflection has shown me where I have my own shortcomings. I have been able to look back at texts, in particular, to see where and if I had some fault in the heartbreaking outcomes of specific relationships. I have tried to apologize for my part and the ball is left in their court now. I am leaving it up to them to realize their part. We often assume the wrong thing because we don’t communicate about what we are actually feeling. I have failed in this. This has been shown to me directly involving my surgery. There are other relationships I have apologized multiple times for my part and yet the other parties remain selfish and unchanged. Good news for me is I can begin to let that go now but they will have to answer for their negativity. And yet one more relationship that has been on the forefront of my mind for weeks now. Some people don’t realize that even through texts they are still doing the very thing I asked them not to do. With all that I have been through, especially in the last few years, I am an easy target. They don’t want to look at their own shit and instead always focus on mine. Now that they have shown their true character I can begin to walk away from that drama as well and begin to heal.

As far as bidding adieu to my social media – you know as I have written here before . . . I was afraid not to write as much because I thought I would lose readers. Then I became afraid of shutting down social media because how else would people know I have written a blogpost unless I put it out there on Facebook or Instagram. The first was hard enough to overcome but I chose to be present in my life and not worry about putting the pressure on myself to “keep up”. However, staying on social media has proven to be more damaging to me than helpful in numerous ways. We are all looking for that “like” on Facebook. Or that comment that affirms we are “good enough”. We crave positive attention from others. Why? Because it feels good. Who doesn’t want to feel good? I know I do. But when we don’t get what we want from others it can turn into self-hatred. Strong word, huh? You may be thinking right now – ‘Not me’ but ask yourself – If no one acknowledged you or liked you or assured you of just how great you are . . . how would you feel? I am not putting down social media or the people who love it. Please, hear that. I am also not saying that maybe one day I will visit it again. I am saying to some it is very damaging, to others it can be fairly painful and to all it can leave us wondering sometimes – ‘Am I good enough?’

I am still learning and I do believe it will be a lifelong journey for me, that the only One I can depend on is The Lord. And maybe you don’t believe in Him. That is none of my business. I will tell you though if you look to anyone else to make you feel good about yourself you will drown. You may again say ‘Not me’ but it will come . . . sooner or later. So, work on loving yourself and trusting yourself now. You have been given a gift or maybe multiple gifts by being you. I am realizing my gifts aren’t obvious like others. I wasn’t born to BE something like a doctor or landscaper. I was born to do things that can’t always be seen only felt. I was born to love. I love others with a passion that is both a gift and a curse. I give all I have to my relationships with people. This oftentimes leaves me hurt and vulnerable. Therefore, I am learning to love the people who treat me right and pray for those who don’t. I crave openness and realness. It was drilled into me my entire life by my own Daddy, the man of God, the Preacher . . . “What will the church people think? What will others think?” Ironic because that is NOT what The Lord says at all! I am having to retrain my brain after 43 YEARS of damage. My hope for you is no matter if you are older or younger than 43 that you will stop the madness NOW! Just this morning I decided I am going to make a list of all the good . . . things about myself. Then I will make copies and place them in different places, even on my phone, to remind me I AM GOOD ENOUGH! I don’t need a list of the negative things. Those are branded into my brain and are readily available even when I don’t ask for them.

So, for today here is the good . . . I am good enough. My list will be great! Take a look at yourself and clean up the things you need to, apologize for your damage, forgive yourself and go love yourself, Sugar! Much Peace and Love, Y’all! Namaste P.S. I will continue to write here on my blog and vlog on our YouTube channel – Crazy Harts Club. You can reach me here and there. You can also subscribe to both of them for free. Have a unicorn spewing glitter kind of weekend!

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The Triple P – Positive Purposeful Post –

“A woman’s strength isn’t just about how much she can handle before she breaks. It’s about how much she must handle after she’s broken.”

This is dedicated to all the beautiful woman in the world who have experienced something or maybe many things that knocked them down completely.

No one wants to admit they are broken. Broken means smashed into pieces. Broken means damaged. Broken also means not functioning properly. Let’s “break” these down.

You know the more times something is smashed into pieces the harder it is to put it all back together again? And it will never be the same. If something is damaged can it ever be good again or even good enough? I don’t know. What do you think? Message me and let me know. I would be very interested to hear someone else’s broken story. I already know mine.

And you know a lot of times I will say “I have been knocked down so many times that one day I’m not going to get back up.” Well, come on – those that know me, know that I’m not going to stay down. However, when I do get back up I may get back up as a different person. I may be someone you don’t recognize because I am stronger than you thought. Tougher than I seemed before.

For today, here is the good . . . Remember “A woman’s strength isn’t just about how much she can handle before she breaks. It’s about how much she must handle after she’s broken.” And also remember we are stronger than you could ever know. Much Peace and Love Y’all! Have a great rest of your weekend.

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Positive Purposeful Post

“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.” Betty Reese

So true! I live with this more than people know. I have been told people underestimate me. They look at me as a little 5’3”, pimped out minivan driving, used to be PTA volunteer, stay-at-home mama who smiles at everyone. Simply harmless! What people don’t know is that even though that description is right on there is the flipside of Jane. I don’t believe in bulldozing people or going after people – at least for no reason. However, I can and will take care of business when necessary.

Several years ago, we had an issue with the principal in one of my daughter’s schools where repeatedly we were told nothing would change it. People were afraid of her. Well, believe me when I say it was changed alright. She was removed, demoted and stuck in another school where many people would have their eyes on her! There are a few of us who are not afraid to stand up for what is right and some of those that did not express their feelings couldn’t do so because they were threatened by her. Currently we are dealing with two insurance companies and the people who hit and almost killed us a few weeks ago. They are more than in the wrong. At this point they are in trouble with the law. Again, they looked at me as a poor, little, sad mama who was hit and can do nothing about it. What they don’t know is I have documentation and recordings of it all. Yep, they better fix it and get it straight or I will be glad to fix it for them.

So, for today, here is the good . . . Don’t underestimate yourself. Don’t think you can’t be the change this world so desperately needs. Stop believing you aren’t good enough. You may be one person but you would be surprised at how much of a difference just you can make. Think of that little mosquito. He is very underestimated because most times no one even sees him. He is nothing! Simply harmless! Right? That is until he has already taken care of business. He will leave his mark on you and usually more than once. Be the mosquito and be effective in your life. Much Peace and Love Y’all! Have a fabulous weekend!