“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” Carl Bard, American writer and editor
I often laugh out loud when I draw from my very own LFTG (Look for the good) jar even if I am having a rough day. Today is no different. Why is it always great timing? Probably because The Lord sits at my kitchen table where my LFTG jar is located and He has His hands all in it. #THANKFUL
So, for my devoted readers you already know a lot about me, my life and especially if you have been following this past year to year and a half – you know the intense messiness I have been living in . . . or more honestly – the excessive chaos I have been drowning in. My marriage would be at the top of this list. This is not to embarrass my husband, my girls or myself but to simply live out loud in order to help others do the same. I have had many conversations with The Lord during my meditations and don’t just feel but I KNOW He has called me to be my true self. What this means is I have to be vulnerable and open about my life paired with my gift and love for writing He has given me. This call upon me has been more difficult than easy. The blogging and vlogging I absolutely LOVE! The being transparent part not so much sometimes because it leaves the door wide open for judgement.
The above quote can be applied to lots of situations in my life and your life. So, take it wherever it serves you best. For me and in this very moment my marriage is what comes to mind. I have been married now for over 20 years. Wow! That is most of my adult life since I married fairly young. We started out with a ready-made family. I already had Grayson, our now almost 22-year-old daughter. My husband, Kevin, and I were set up on a date by one of my high school friends. She had just gotten married and I told her to tell him everything there was to know about me before he ever laid eyes on me. This included me having to give my first daughter up for adoption (*see “I’m a Grandmama” post) and now having my second daughter by a second man who I was told would not live to her first birthday. Keep in mind Grayson’s first birthday was one month away from when I met Kevin. He decided that yes, he still wanted to go out with me. For years now, however off and on, I often have asked myself – “What was Kevin thinking? A man in his early twenties taking on such major responsibility? Why? Why would he do that?” That thinking comes from my dark place. The place where secrets and lies have almost killed me. The place where Satan lives. The place where it is so dark, I don’t want to live anymore.
It wasn’t too far into our relationship that I became pregnant – yes, once again and Kevin and I were married. I look back at all the challenges and all the adversity we have faced. For over 20 years now I have held onto hurts instead of letting them go and holding onto hope. I have chosen fear to drive me instead of faith that God can change things. I have raged with anger instead of bestowing forgiveness. I have sat and cried over sadness instead of cherishing the good times. These all make me feel heartbroken over the amount of time I have wasted.
For today, here is the good . . . I can choose to start from now and make a brand new ending. This doesn’t mean I won’t have bad days. This doesn’t mean I won’t feel sad or hurt or angry ever again. This means I am choosing love over hate. I have so much to be forgiven for myself. Today I am looking at Kevin as a human being. You hear (read) me say all the time how there is no such thing as perfection. So why would I expect him to be? Why would I expect myself to be? I ask you now – what are you going to choose today? Love or hate? Hurt or hope? Fear or faith? Anger or forgiveness? Sadness or Happiness? None of these are always easy. In fact, for me most of them are hard most of the time when I am thinking about certain issues in my life. I will continue to try though. When I fall down and don’t choose positivity over negativity, I will try to give myself some grace. I will simply get back up and try again. Whatever it is you are being challenged to do, whether it is big or small, try and remember . . . “Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” And of course, also try and remember to Look for the good . . . Know you are not alone. I am right there with you. I hope you have a blessed day. Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste