Well, I told you Kev bought me A LOT of wine for my birthday. I’m actually almost out at this point. Hmm I guess I really should look to see how many calories are in the Cabs I drink. Wait! That may deter me from drinking. No, not possible. Here’s why –
I wake up to Grayson yelling how bored she is, please change my diaper, medicate me, and feed me. As well as Reesy, my ancient sausage full of love, is – you know it – barking. Very loudly! He is telling his siblings/niece/nephew (that’s a cluster too) to get in on the action. Bark, bark (Mama, mama) bark, bark (Get up!) bark, bark (I’m hungry) bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark (but don’t worry I’ve already pooped in the den so I don’t need you to take me out). This is how my day begins. EVERY DAY!
Somehow, I throw these elephant stumps I call my legs out from underneath the covers, roll out onto the floor, and slump down the stairs where my hunk of Oscar Meyer is waiting on me. I let Bella and Copper out of their crates and the feeding frenzy begins. Reesy and Copper eat so fast the water at the kitchen sink hasn’t even had a chance to get hot to dissolve Grayson’s meds. While Bella is taking her SAT (Sweet A$$ Time) eating one dog food morsel at a time I take the other two outside. He was right – Reesy left me dog doo doo during the night so there is only pee pee to be done by him. Let’s not forget it has been raining so none of our three children/grandchildren think it is a good idea to wade out into the soggy grass to mess up their hands and feet – especially the wiener whose real wiener drags the ground and gets dirty. Can you imagine? No one wants that. Poor little man. As I go back in there is Bella is just waiting her turn. I take her out and after having a seriously long conversation in English she finally does her business even though I think she only speaks German. (We aren’t sure if she has German Shepherd in her or not???) I finally get Grayson’s meds measured, crushed, dissolved and head into her room. What might I find there? Oh, just the usual. She has wet through and it is time to start laundry. Meds given, diaper changed, clothes and bed linens changed. Pouring sweat, I shuffle back through the foyer into the den and step in poop. Really? Who did it? Whose brand is it? As I’m hopping on one foot so not to spread it all over the floor, I trip and fall into the dog water bowl. Now there is water all over the floor and me and the precious little fur children are out of water. I crawl on my hands and knees trying not to put the doo doo foot down and make it to underneath the kitchen sink where there are paper towels and Clorox wipes. After cleaning all that up I forced myself to go upstairs and change into dry clothes even though I must admit I wanted to sit naked at the kitchen table and drink wine – skip the coffee at this point! I just remembered laundry. I have to clean all Grayson’s stuff. I pick up the big ol’ pile of wet stuff out of her bathtub which is so high I can hardly see. Back into the foyer, through the den, into the kitchen and on my way to the washing machine I almost slipped. What the heck? Pee! Dog pee! “That’s it!” I yell. “Y’all have got to stop before I lose it! That is enough!” And because I am paying them any kind of attention what are they doing? Standing in a row in front of me, tails wagging, waiting for a freakin’ treat from me. Can I just have a t-shirt that says “Is there anything else I can do for you?” Story of my life. At some point I had turned the Keurig on (who can remember when?) and needed coffee ASAP! I pop the k-cup in, close it down and press the flashing button that should say “The Most” on it. I turn around and lean back against the counter looking at the three amigos when all of a sudden I feel something hot and wet on my back. Turning around I realized no, no I didn’t ever put a coffee mug underneath the hole. I’m in tears and considering taking a straw to my countertops. Is this day ever going to end? What time is it? 7:15 a.m.! Oh, come on. For today, here is the good . . . I do have a whole box of k-cups, and remember the paper towels and Clorox wipes from earlier? Yeah, I have plenty of those to clean up the mess. Lucky me! AND at some point today I will take Kloie’s Jeep to the store for more wine! Yay me! Much Peace and Love Y’all!