Yes, I’m still alive! Usually I tell people this if they haven’t heard from me in a while. That would be appropriate in this situation because y’all haven’t heard from me in a few weeks. (Keep reading and you’ll know why.) But it is even more appropriate when I tell you ‘YES, I’M STILL ALIVE’ considering I was literally almost killed a week and a half ago. Not being dramatic here people! So, when I say I am ‘kickin’ 2016 Goodbye’ – is it because the very end was SO BAD and that is what is fresh on my mind and the rest of 2016 wasn’t all that terrible? Or is it that I am letting the bad throughout 2016 outweigh the good and it only seems 2016 was awful? No, I believe 2016, besides a few awesome things, was a complete nightmare and here is why . . .
At the beginning of 2016, I was working fulltime in the school district and by the time 3:30 p.m. rolled around I was not only exhausted physically, but mentally and emotionally, by how ignorant others can be. It was appalling to witness others turn a blind eye to what was really happening. Little did I know this would be the theme of my 2016. Then, Grayson’s seizures continued to get worse and our only option, after a horrible hospital stay, hours away from home, was to add yet another FDA regulated medication that could cause her to lose her peripheral vision. Like I said, we had no other choice.
I was fortunate enough to start my own business, known as Look for the good . . . which came about as a result of having a severely handicapped child. The Lord asked me what I was doing with what He gave me and I did not have a good answer. Now I have a great answer! If I can find the good . . . in my life, then I know I can help you find it in yours too!
Moving into late Spring, early Summer proved to be distressing. I found out, as you have read in an earlier post, that what took place over 20 years ago, is still being lied about to save someone else from feeling the pain of their wrongdoing and instead they decided to put that on me. By the time the end of June rolled around it was made clear to me just how alone I really was when it comes to two of the people I have had at the top of my trust list. They really let me down. But I will take full responsibility in the terrible thing I said to one of them. She let me in on something very vulnerable for her and I threw it in her face. I apologized as soon as it came out of my mouth, but that was still too late, and have apologized to her face since. My apology was sincere.
The rest of the summer was how it always is with Grayson being bored at home. However, we were excited Kloie was accepted to Governor’s School and it was super fun for me to go dorm room shopping with her. Sending her off to school three hours away at the age of 16 was not easy but the best thing for her and that makes me happy. We have all adjusted well to that I think.
Then we come to Thanksgiving where we always spend the whole day with my brother, sisters and our families. It was a complete nightmare. Grayson’s needs were not taken into consideration when we brought her therapy dog with her. Copper was not very welcomed. Also, at the dining room table Grayson was completely ignored so much so that my great niece who is only a year and a half old is being taught that Grayson doesn’t matter and doesn’t exist. That’s all I’ll say about that for now. We got out of there! I suppose it sort of blew up in my face or hit me between the eyes – whatever little saying you want to use – but I finally had enough with the ignorance about Grayson. ENOUGH! I need to protect both of my girls, my husband and even myself from this continuing to happen. It has been over 19 YEARS! No excuses anymore.
Insert some good . . . here – I finished writing my first book! Yay!
And then we come to December! Oh, December, how I wish I could have loved you! As I wrote in an earlier post my van had several issues, Grayson missed 4 out of 5 days the last week of school before the holidays, but the good . . . is that she wanted to miss school and have time with me before her sister came home from school. I love my girls! What a blessing they are! Kloie came home and was busy with friends, a few babysitting children/pet jobs, and she turned 17! Wow! We made adjustments to our Christmas traditions this year and were much happier. We were super loved by the people we spent our holidays with. But alas, the very end of December was horrific. We, Grayson, Grace (our nurse), and myself, decided to get Grayson out of the house for a while. As we were driving down the road a boy’s left front tire came completely off his truck and was flying through the air, headed for our windshield. If I hadn’t slammed on brakes and swerved the souped up, massive tire would have come through the windshield and killed us. And that is the truth! Skipping all the details because they make me angry, we only heard yesterday they are going to try and fix my van. Let’s hope they can because it was more than body damage. The guts and computer system were lying underneath the van on the asphalt. Plus, having a lift in our van makes things even more complicated. Needless to say, Grayson has no way of leaving the house. She has been stuck here for weeks. She is missing school and bringing me to ‘school’ is the reminder that her ‘ex-boyfriend’, Tucker, died on December 23rd. I found this out on my birthday which was December 29th and I turned freaking 41! The night before my birthday I had a meeting with some people, I will not name for their sakes, and it was appalling too. HOURS of having three other people basically question me and most of it had to do with Grayson. Again, I said my peace, let them feel good about whatever they needed to so they could go home happy, and we are done! It amazed me how one of the people finally spoke up about some of the same issues and everyone wanted to feel sorry for her but when I speak up I get grilled. It’s okay though. Trust me when I say it’s okay. Now – it really is okay.
I said at the beginning of this post – ignorant which usually means lacking in knowledge. I need to correct myself. I use the word ignorant too often and I am actually being nice to give people that excuse. It isn’t ignorance when you do know. Let’s use the word inexcusable. There is just no excuse. When you have been told numerous times, and given examples and you still CHOOSE not to do the right thing – that is inexcusable. Especially when you admit to it.
For today, here is the good . . . even though it is extremely difficult to find some but I am keeping to my promise to always show you the good at the end of every post – 1. Grayson is alive when several of her friends, classmates, STXBP1ers have gone to Heaven. 2. I no longer have to work fulltime at something that was all consuming in a negative way. 3. I started my own business. 4. I finished writing my first book. 5. I have said my peace to those who needed to hear it and it is no longer on me. It is on you to do the right thing. 6. I am alive. 7. 2016 is OVER! Much Peace and Love Y’all in 2017!