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Dava – Girl Gang Member

Sweet yet sassy and all things Southern! She and I first met years ago at church. We were attending a small group for parents of children with special needs. She will tell you she knew she was gonna love me from her first impression of me based on the introduction of myself. I announced to the church group – of all people – “Hey, y’all, my name is Jane Hart and I do love Jesus, but I also like to cuss”. So, there you have it. Two peas in a pod. It never matters how long (or short) it’s been since we have seen each other because we always instantly carry on. We laugh and cry. She understands from deep in her soul and by living it herself why my heart is broken a little every day. We are not just mamas. We are mamas of children (my now adult one) with special needs. Our girls have nowhere near the same disability but the pain we experience is the same. We also know what it’s like to fight for our children every day. EVERY DAY! So, for today here is the good . . . I am BLESSED to call her my friend, my sister and to have her be part of my inner circle – my Girl Gang. Did I mention how beautiful and always put together she is? She is bold and courageous giving all she has to her family and friends. I am thankful. I love you, Dava! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Have a great weekend.

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Mama’s Day

I really hope I don’t miss anyone as I am writing this. I want to take this time to acknowledge those ladies that were in my life and/or are in my life that have been a wonderful example of a mother to me. I wish I could write all the amazing things about them but I am afraid this post would never end! So here are the little blurbs about them –

Mama – Most importantly is my very own Mama. She brought me into this world and loved me for only a short time before she was killed when I was nine years old. But she loved me well and even though I don’t really remember her, I love hearing stories from those that knew her. She was beautiful – inside and out. She was always thinking of others. Two things I always treasure hearing about her is – 1. If you walked into her kitchen, opened the fridge and saw hardly anything, she could take those few things and make a gourmet meal out of them. She didn’t panic or get frustrated. She lived in the moment. So much so it brings me to 2. She could be in the middle of cooking supper and would see a beautiful sunset or a rose blooming and outside she would go. She would just stop what she was doing and paint the Good Lord’s beauty in nature. Happy Mother’s Day in Heaven, Mama!

Camille – one of Grayson’s home nurses who would listen endlessly to me about some of my most difficult days in life and she would offer comfort and new ways to look at the situation. Thank you, Camille! Happy Mother’s Day!

“Chrisma” – one of Grayson’s home nurses who guided me in my young mothering days. Thank you, “Chrisma”! Happy Mother’s Day!

Cathy Bell & Gail King – two ladies in the church I grew up in that kept my sister and I a lot after mama died while my daddy was marrying or burying someone, blessing or forgiving someone. Cathy is now in Heaven with my mama. Happy Mother’s Day in Heaven, Cathy! Happy Mother’s Day, Gail!

Susie – like a mother to me and a Mamaw to both my girls. Susie was always helping me take care of Grayson before I met Kevin. She taught me how to craft things and most fun of all was being her assistant in weddings doing floral arrangements. She taught me so much!

Marg – my oldest sister. It is painful to write about her right now as my feelings are still extremely hurt by my family. However, the truth is still the truth . . . Marg guided me through my very first pregnancy and was in the delivery room helping to hold my legs and tell me to breathe while I was giving birth. She allowed me to interrupt her life by living with her (it wasn’t my choice and it was forced on her) in my late teens. She helped get me started with kitchen and bedroom stuff in my first apartment. She made sure Grayson always had a place at the table. She wasn’t afraid to feed Grayson. She helped lift Grayson and change her diaper. The greatest of Marg is how she put her bathing suit on (this happened more than once), put a cooler in the shower, sat down on it, reached out for Grayson and held the squirming alligator child while I bathed her. My sister used to be ALL IN not just for me but for my Grayson and my Kloie too. I just don’t know what happened . . . but I wish her a Happy Mother’s Day!

Nancy – my awesome neighbor who is definitely like a mama to me and a grandmama to my girls. She takes care of Kevin too! I have been known to call Nancy before 911 in an emergency. Yep, that’s how much trust I have in her. She has been and still is a friend, a mama, a grandmama, a neighbor, a counselor, my cheerleader, a teacher and well, the list goes on. One thing she is great at is coming up with “Nancyisms”. Funny stories Happy Mother’s Day, Nancy!

Terrie – and this one. Oh what can I say about Terrie aka Mama 2? She was my neighbor when I was in elementary school so I knew her before my mama died. When my mama was killed and my Southern Baptist Preacher Daddy was gone constantly, Terrie would come over in the middle of the night to stay with my sister, Amey, and me even though she had her own husband and two little ones at home. I would eat supper over there as much as I was allowed (by my daddy not her. She loved having me over.) Our choices were frozen pizza or cereal! What the heck? A kids dream! She would French braid my hair super early before school. I would walk across the street and live in her presence as much as I could because I knew she loved me. There was always something going on at her house so I didn’t feel as lonely. All the neighborhood kids played over there. She moved away when I was in high school. Our relationship didn’t end there. We have been in touch over the years and at one point in my late teens/perhaps early 20’s (BRAIN BLOCK) she was going to let me live with her. I still love her as much as I always have! Happy Mother’s Day, Mama 2!

So, for today here is the good . . . Happy Mother’s Day to ALL! I don’t care how you became a mama or who/what you are a mama to (our dogs are children too) but I hope there is Much Peace and Love Y’all! Have a great weekend!

 

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Happy Birthday, Mama!

Today is my mama’s birthday. She would have been 82 years old. She is no longer here on earth with us but I’m sure her celebration in Heaven is something we can’t even begin to imagine. Of course, I rejoice for her but even though it’s been almost 31 years my heart still aches for her. Some days more than others. I always wonder what she would have been like with my girls. I wish she could have known Kevin as well. I realize if she hadn’t been killed, though, that my life would have been entirely different and I wouldn’t have Kevin, Grayson, Kloie and other special people in my life. 

We usually don’t speak ill of those who are no longer with us, therefore, most of the stories I have ever heard are positive about my mama. However, I really do believe what has been said and continues to be said about the person she was, is true. She was loving, caring, carefree, and a great mother! Thinking about what kind of mother she was, makes me dream about her relationship with both of my daughters, but especially Grayson, because most people ignore her altogether. I bet she would have gone out of her way and done everything in her power to help me with my girls. 

It is mostly just Kevin and me. We have been a team in taking care of Grayson and Kloie. As you have read in previous blogposts, Grayson came before I met Kevin. When our youngest, Kloie, was born we had no help. No one came over to help me or to help with our newborn baby or to help with our severely handicapped child. No one helped Kevin. He worked full-time of course and took care of all of us. We did it all on our own. I will admit I have been envious of those who have mothers or mothers-in-law that come over to help with their children. 

Even though Grayson will be 19 years old in a few weeks I know in my heart my mama would have been at my house and taking care of Grayson and doing all that she could to help with Grayson and to help us have the best life possible – for all these years. I know she would have been one of Grayson’s very few, but biggest cheerleaders and she would giggle at how much Kloie’s carefree spirit is like hers. My mama would have been proud to call Grayson and Kloie her granddaughters. 

For today here is the good . . . My mama is in Heaven with The Lord Himself and I am blessed to have my best friend, The Kevin Hart, to help me and share on this difficult yet rewarding journey. Hug the ones you love! Peace and Love Y’all!

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JULIE & JULIA

JULIE & JULIA

Julie and Julia – it’s a movie you know. It has been out for years. I remember when it came out how my brother and oldest sister said it reminded them so much of our mama. Well, Meryl Streep, who plays Julia Child, reminded them of our mama. Her whimsical ways, mannerisms, cooking, etc. So of course I wanted to see this movie. I needed to see this movie. I was hoping it would help me remember her because she died when I was only 9 years old. The only memories I have of my mama are other people’s stories of her. I have very few real memories of my own.

Wednesday night I had a “wee” bit of a meltdown because tons of things were/are weighing on my shoulders that all needed to be done RIGHT THEN/RIGHT NOW! It has been hard to work this summer on this new business I am trying to get started. Most of my attention has to be given to take care of Grayson. Our nurse doesn’t come until later afternoon most days. It is hard to begin work late in the day after you’ve been up since early morning and have been taking care of your child (now adult) with severe special needs. By the time the afternoon rolls around I’m exhausted! BUT I know it is my passion to share Look for the good . . . with others. Yesterday I decided I needed some inspiration and pulled out that movie. Kloie was gone helping our neighbor with Vacation Bible School. I lifted Grayson out of her wheelchair and put her on the sofa next to me, put the DVD in, and pressed play.

There is quite the contrast between Julia Child and me because of her love of cooking and as you know I hate to cook. They say my mama loved to cook. They also say my mama was laid back and again I’m the complete opposite – very high strung. As you see in the movie, Julia Child would make a mess, laugh about it, and go on. How are we the same? I am not afraid to do my own thing. I am used to criticism. I have received it most of my life. I watch this movie, think about both Julie and Julia, muse over the stories of my mama and think maybe there is a part of my mama in my soul. There is that creative wing that pops out every now and then when I need to fly. I do love to write. I like to paint. I love my nose piercing and tattoo. I love the stories behind other people’s journeys as well. I want to believe my mama was the same way – from what everyone says. I love to talk to everyone. Julia Child is funny, hilarious with her silly laugh and never meets a stranger either. Ask anyone who knows me. I’m exactly that way with people – good or annoying as it may be.

Through the movie both Julie and Julia come to a point in their lives where they are trying to figure out who they really want to be – even as adults. I have been back and forth over this for many years and am thankful The Lord has allowed me to try different things, as well as having the support of my husband. Also I am thankful Kevin is such a hard worker that has been able to take care of us financially with the weight of being the only money provider bearing down on his shoulders for many years. Thank you, Kevin! In the movie it jumps back and forth between Julie and Julia Child’s lives. They both face opposition and are both told they “can’t”. But they pushed through and they persevered. They laughed and they cried. Julie has decided to start a blog on cooking. She has taken on a lofty goal but good for her for trying something. I have my meltdowns too and all of our husbands – the fictitious ones in the movie and my most real one – are sometimes happy for us, get frustrated with us and sometimes just stare at us not knowing what to do with us. Then God sends in a little glimmer of hope at just the right time. At one point Julie’s mother calls her and is basically being very negative about the whole thing. Again something I have experienced more times than I care to talk about. Here’s what I have learned though. There are always going to be people who are negative and try to tear you down. I’m sure for many reasons. Maybe they’re jealous. Maybe they wish they could have the gumption to try something new and crazy themselves or who knows. But for today here is the good . . . Don’t quit your daydreams because it could be your true passion and your true purpose that The Lord Himself gave you and you never know who you’re going to help . . . Peace and Love to Y’all!

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