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WHEN TO SOME PEOPLE – YOU COME WITH A WARNING LABEL

I have been through some hell especially in the last 12 months . . . at times not sure how or if I was gonna get through it. Wanna know my secret? YOGA! I’ve had this new, “not so little” tattoo for a bit now. *See pic below It is my actual body (photo cred to my daughter’s nurse), then I added the very bottom “message” and passed it on to my tattoo artist – Thank you, Jon Sanford! It is my body growing out of the lotus flower. The lotus flower is rooted in muddy, nasty water and flourishes into something beautiful. It reminds me every day something splendid can rise up out of ugliness. If you look closely you can see my actual thighs right above the petals as I am sitting in the lotus position itself. Speaking of the petals, I wanted eight of them to represent the eight limbs of yoga. Perhaps more on that another time.

What yoga has done for me is truly amazing! Not only amazing but transforming. Yeah, I have worked out on and off throughout the years but still would not consider myself athletic. A lot of people may think of yoga as just another way to exercise. And they wouldn’t be wrong. But that is not the true meaning of yoga. Yoga is mind, body, and spirit. This is definitely my journey to peace within. It has taught me or is actually still teaching me to replace wicked and negative thoughts in my head with positive, happy thoughts. I do quite literally have to tell myself sometimes when something makes me sad or anger pops in my brain, to change it by pushing it out and 1. Not allowing myself to think about it anymore and 2. Replacing it with something joyful. I now ask myself – is this, whatever “this” may be, bringing me happiness? Just today I discovered a new way to breathe during my practice – meaning the actual exercises I do during class. Because of all I have been enduring lately all I do is spew anger. And I mean SPEW! It is toxic to myself and those around me. My intention I set for myself today was to breathe for everyone in this entire world who is considered “less than” – in whatever and all ways that may be. Every time I inhaled, I took their sadness and every time I exhaled I spewed! But I spewed PEACE and imagined it raining down on them. I could go into so much more detail (as you know) about yoga but this post would never end. Ha, ha, ha! So, for today, here is the good . . . this is a process. It is a journey not a destination that I am trying to hurry to. I recently met with one of my dear friends who said to me she loved how I was open about my life being messy and how realistic I am. And a few months ago, one of my yogi friends said to me that she loved how I live my life out loud. These two have no idea how much of a compliment these statements are to me. For 43 years I have lived in so much fear of “what will other people think” with little sprinkles of me being my true self. Because of what yoga has done for me, I can fully embrace the Jane that The Lord has always meant for me to be. Who wouldn’t want to live out loud??? Now I know there will be bad times and sad times still to come but I am going to soak up and enjoy every bit of peace as a TRUE GIFT that The Lord is trying to give me. I sincerely hope you have a blessed weekend. Now go love yourself! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste

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A long time coming . . .

That could pertain to sooooo many things. This blog post is one. I haven’t written in probably EIGHT MONTHS! There are lots of reasons for that. At the top of that list is . . .  my mental health. No! No one talks about mental health or most people don’t. It’s taboo. It’s ugly. It’s a no no. You know what is in reality taboo and ugly and a no no? NOT talking about mental health because people are quite literally dying over it. While I choose not to write all the details portraying my struggles with severe depression and anxiety, I will admit to living with it every single day. Some of those days I haven’t done so successfully which is where I have been all this time . . . it’s called being in the “black hole”. Perhaps more on that another time. While I am generally an open book, the only reason I am not spilling all the  beans is to protect my family, my husband and two daughters that is, from being judged. It isn’t fair. The very reason I write is to help other people. I have heard from numerous people how my being so open and honest has helped them. It truly is a shame we have to feel like we have to stay silent about mental health. For now, I am going to write when I can. I am going to write when I feel like it. Recently these very issues almost killed me, and I will leave that right there where it is. I have said many times how I have to love myself . . . how I have to forgive myself . . . how so many things had to change . . . but I never did. After realizing and actually experiencing near death that was it for me. It isn’t a choice anymore. I owe it to myself to love myself.

For those of you who may be new to my blog or may just have missed the meaning behind my “Positive Purposeful Post”(s) here is the explanation – The founding belief of this company is to bring you inspiring positivity one breath at a time. All our products reflect this very idea. For example, our LFTG (Look For The Good) jars are filled with inspirational sayings/quotes. So, having said that, periodically I will be doing my own random draw out of my personal LFTG jar and will be posting it on here with a story that emulates that message. These will be named “Positive Purposeful Post”. Time for another one below –

“But Moses told the people, ‘Don’t be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch The Lord rescue you. The Egyptians that you see today will never be seen again. The Lord Himself will fight for you. You won’t have to lift a finger in your defense.’” Exodus 14:13-14

Most times I don’t write about a Bible verse, but this just so happens to be the one I pulled from my jar today and I laughed at the timing. I always do! The Lord does have a sense of humor. The reason this is ironically funny is because I have been  very angry with The Lord. I have begged him for a long time now to save me and save other things. But I never heard from him. Or was I just not listening? Maybe He has been telling me all this time to change but I wouldn’t. I believe it took me nearly dying for Him to get my attention. It’s sad but true. So, for today here is the good . . . here I am just standing, waiting for The Lord to rescue me . . . and . . . He is! I have to stop being afraid of everything. I have to learn to trust again. I just need to breathe . . .

This blogpost is in HONOR of me instead of in MEMORY of me! It is also in HONOR and in MEMORY of those battling with and who lost their battle with mental health issues. I truly hope you have a blessed weekend. Now go love yourself! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste

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Adventures with JJ – Vlog

Good Labor Day morning my Look for the good . . . family and friends. Besides blogging I will also be vlogging. Check out the videos on my YouTube Channel – Crazy Harts Club. I started a few weeks ago being an Uber driver. Then, I added on being a Door Dash Delivery Girl and continued on with Uber Eats Delivery Girl as well. So, for today here is the good . . . I will be sharing my Adventures with JJ. Much Peace and Love Y’all! 

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How do you love yourself?

“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing people who don’t love you either.” Mandy Hale

As you know I’m on quite the journey. A most basic definition of journey is – passage or progress from one stage to another. I’m sure as hell passing through and as y’all know I love to say I am putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes, especially lately, I feel like it’s’ rather slow though. Kinda like a slug on a hot, summer day that is melted to the concrete. Eww gross! That’s a visual! The second part of that definition mentions progress. I have to ask myself . . . Am I progressing? Or am I going backwards and into some dark places? Of course, I don’t hide it and yes, I acknowledge it – I’m in a very vulnerable place. Difficult to admit but an even harder place to be in. I feel like there are numerous question marks hovering above my head that everyone can see as I walk around. So many “what if(s)” make it even more difficult to live in the moment but I still try.

So, for today here is the good . . . along with a question for all my readers Worldwide . . . I am strong. You are strong. We are stronger than we think. Trust me on that one and it’s okay for someone to remind you of that on days you just can’t seem to believe it. And remember I’m here to hold your hand and walk through this with you. And now the question . . . What do you say to yourself or what do you do to love yourself? I need help from all my Look for the good . . . peeps for tips on self-love. You can comment below or message me any number of ways – privately or publicly – on Instagram @lookforthegoodinc or @janewithahart or on Facebook on my Look for the good page (look for our special logo). I have to give a special shout out to @thejourney_world for this Instagram quote post which is a quote from one of my recent faves #mandyhale. Much Peace and Love Y’all!

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Kloie

My Baby, my sunshine, my honeybun, my KloBo. My youngest daughter Kloie, who is now 18, has been states away in AmeriCorps for 3 ½ weeks today but it seems like months! I just wanted to write about her today because I miss her . . . fiercely. The night before she left I penned this . . .

This is the night before my KloBo, my Sunshine leaves to go to Vicksburg, Mississippi to join the AmeriCorps at just 18 years old. I’m lying in my bed at 11:27 p.m. knowing I have to get up at 3 a.m. to get her to the airport and I’m wondering and I’m thinking . . . ‘Will I be able to go on without her? Will the empty space, normally filled with late night singing, lots of random selfies left on my phone, and silliness, and loudness be filled with SCREAMING SILENCE?’ And I’m scared. I’m also thinking ‘Will she be okay without me?’ We are each other’s biggest fans and true supporters. I know this is good for her to go off and live an adventure at her age while she has no responsibilities, but it will also be good for her to get out of the drama that continues to unfold in our house. I’m not sure if she will ever know how much she means to me. When I call her my Sunshine it truly is what she is in my life. She brightens my heart. She brightens my face. She brightens my world. Because of this . . . I am a blessed Mama. Thank you, Lord, for choosing me and trusting me with this special gift from you . . . My Kloie Marie Hart.

And then we took her the next morning. We have talked in some form every day. I don’t know if she needs to talk to me, but I know she is looking out for me. She sends me positive quotes when I can’t seem to hold on to one. She encourages me to be strong and love myself when I’m sitting in a puddle of tears. She tells me funny stuff and we laugh about how there is so much ridiculousness in this world. I miss my adventures with her . . . our hippie city – Asheville, our gym rides home videoing our homemade concerts, our late-night dance parties and the list goes on. (There is so much more I could say but it would be a novel.)

For today, here is the good . . . So much of the above and my unique, unparalleled relationship I have with my beautiful daughter. This weekend I will be out Uber-ing and rocking out to all the new artists my Honeybun has shared with me. Top two faves are Miguel and JBalvin. And thanks to Kloie passing it on and Miguel’s “Pineapple Skies” I have a new “promise everything gon’ be alright”. Much Peace and Love Y’all. Enjoy your weekend and a few fun pics of my baby girl and me on our adventures. Onward with my and YOUR journey to PEACE and HAPPINESS . . .      *There are a couple of videos below as well just click on the tiny, little link ;~}

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Breathe

“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens.” Mandy Hale

Y’all KNOW this is challenging for me. I am organized. I am a planner. I run 100 miles an hour with my ADHD. And trust . . . ha, ha TRUST has become an ugly word to me. I am taking steps (remember the last blog post) to break this thought process of not trusting. Forty-two years and most of that has been without trust so it will definitely take a while. I suppose I do have time to see what happens.  

Remember I told you I was going to take you on a journey with me and I have no idea where it is going or what it is going to look like. Well, that truth still remains. For the moment it is less of a roller coaster and more of a Jeep ride with no doors on a winding, mountain road. I have been praying more recently than I have in a while. I became reckless after “figuratively” collapsing under all the weight on my shoulders. I say to myself and out loud every day “Thank you, Lord, for saving me! You saved me!” and He really did. You have no idea! I also remind you and myself to let us stop judging each other and instead support each other. ‘Ya know that’s not always easy to do especially if we don’t agree with the topic at hand. However, if we truly love those we say we do then we support them as they ask and need. I continue to ask that of you for me and my family.

For today, here is the good . . . I am strong. You are strong. We are stronger than we think. Even if you are a planner and your personality tends to be more like mine . . . I am telling you to breathe. I am telling you to try and find trust. I am telling you to let go and yes, see what happens. I encourage you to find those people in your life who will positively support you wherever you are in your journey and I hope you will do that for them as well. Much Peace and Love Y’all!

Onward with my and YOUR journey to PEACE and HAPPINESS . . .

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Take that step!!!

“Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tiptoe if you must but take the step.”

EXACTLY where I am right now! One of the struggles I have is going in the right direction. I have definitely been going in the wrong direction these last couple of months and that was just made crystal clear to me very recently. I honestly thank The Lord for answering my prayer about it. He rescued me from a bad situation. This is a different situation than what you are probably thinking. However, I choose to keep that to myself. PLEASE DON’T ANYONE ASK ME FOR DETAILS! And before I go on there won’t be any Kevin bashing. This blog is for me to release the demons of my entire life and to help others along the way.

So, it is not always about taking a step – even the smallest one – it is also about figuring out which direction is right. For now, the right direction for me is going to have to be what I need in the moment . . . in the present time in my life. I don’t have to answer to anyone else to see if they approve. As far as taking a step, no matter how small it is, that is proving to be more difficult to me every day. Some days I feel like someone has thrown me into quicksand and I’m sinking at a rather rapid pace for such a thing. Other days I feel like while I was sleeping, someone cured my feet and legs in concrete and I cannot physically pick them up to even take one more step. It takes all the physical, mental and emotional energy I have on most days right now. Sometimes I can’t even tiptoe . . . I have to crawl. I had someone ask me recently what was one of my greatest fears about all of this. Because it was in the moment, where I am trying to live, my answer at the time was THE LONELINESS! The loneliness can be extreme. Some people love to be alone more often than not. And then there are those who have the kind of personality who are lovers, touchers, feelers, nurturers, comforters and love being around other people. That would be ME, so I find it very difficult to just be alone with my thoughts. That is one of the scariest things for me.

But for today, here is the good . . . I am strong. You are strong. We are stronger than we think. I promised you I would share my story and at the end of every blog post I would give you the good . . . I go back to why I started writing this blog . . . my true hope for you is to bring you peace knowing that The Lord is always there (He carries me most of the time) and laughter because life can be so ridiculous you just have to LOL (Laugh Out Loud) sometimes. Some days will be harder than others, but I am encouraging you and reminding myself to slow down and take a moment to Look for the good . . . . It’s there you just have to look for it. Much Peace and Love Y’all! Peace and Happiness are coming . . .

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Positive Purposeful Post – It’s been a long time coming . . .

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.”

I pulled this one out of my very own LFTG jar weeks ago. And I mean WEEKS ago! I haven’t been able to write in so long. As you know, because I always say it, I miss writing. I love it! I just haven’t been in the right frame of mind to do it. I’m still surprised I am writing now. The reason I am is because I know for a fact that I am not the only one who needs to hear this.

FEAR! I am assuming all people are afraid of something at some point in their life. That is struggle enough. This is for you too! But what about those people – ME, ME, ME – that battle fear EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. How do we keep moving? How do we not give up? The only answer I can give is by the grace of God I keep putting one foot in front of the other. I am about to take you on a journey with me that I have no idea where it is going or what it is going to look like. But I invite you to come along and experience it with me because I can guarantee it will, at the very least, be entertaining of some sort.

My husband, Kevin, and I have separated. After 19 years of marriage! We have two beautiful and unique daughters. For that I am blessed! I am now 42 years old with two “adult” children. My youngest daughter, Kloie, is 18 and just left two weeks ago today to go into the AmeriCorps. She will be gone for the next 10 months! She is absolutely MY SUNSHINE I need every day, so this has been a major change for me. More on that in another post. My oldest daughter, Grayson, is 20. As you know, she is severely handicapped in all areas of life. She is like having a baby in a 20-year-old body. We have come to yet another crossroads in our lives. Grayson goes to a special school and they can attend until they are 21. She will be 21 in November, so this will be her last year of school. That gives me a few hours during the day to have some sort of job but only limited time. What employer is going to be okay with me saying “I will be taking summers off, at least one to two days a month off, several days off at Thanksgiving, two weeks off at Christmas and a week off for Spring Break? Because when school is out I must stay home with Grayson. We do have nursing, but she only comes at certain times and she won’t be with us forever. So that brings me to only being able to work in the school district by subbing at her school. Here are the problems with that – it pays very little money. Not enough for us to live on. Grayson only has one more year of school left – really 9 months. What will happen next June? Then what? Where will she go IF I could find a job? Who will take care of her while I’m at work? I have no family support. Also, subbing at her school is extremely taxing not only physically, but mentally and emotionally because I am working with students like my own daughter who are severely handicapped. It is difficult to live and work doing the same thing with no physical, emotional or mental break.

After staying at home for most of 20 years to take care of Grayson, what am I going to do to take care of my girls and myself financially? NOW THAT IS FEAR! I stopped listening to society and how we are supposed to all have a college degree and work 8-5, Monday through Friday, and have the perfect white picket fence family. That is not my reality and I know for so many it is not a reality for them at all either! Instead of judging each other I propose we support each other. As you have heard me say/write before –One of the most important things that I NEED the world to know is it doesn’t matter what you can or can’t do, what you do or don’t look like, what you do or don’t have – EVERYONE HAS A PURPOSE! EVERYONE IS HUMAN SO TREAT EVERYONE YOU MEET LIKE THEY ARE. We all breathe the same. 

So, for today here is the good . . . I am strong. You are strong. We are stronger than we think. I feel very lonely right now. So lonely it is suffocating at times. However, I know somewhere deep down in my soul that someone is watching over me and taking care of me. I am having to walk, sometimes crawl, even though I want to run . . . through this ugly thing called FEAR! But I am doing it and I know on the other side of fear will be the PEACE and HAPPINESS I have so longed for. I don’t know how long it will take to get there. I don’t know how painful it will be to get there. But I KNOW I WILL get there. You can come with me. I will hold your hand if you want me to. I will put my arms around you if you want me to. I love you! Much Peace and Love Y’all!

P.S. Be on the lookout for the next post about my journey to PEACE AND HAPPINESS . . .

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Summer Book Sale!

Hey all my “Look for the good . . . ” Family and Friends,

As you know my very first book, My Summer with Jimmy & Nan Dee, was published last summer!!! Some people look for quick reads for a summer vacation or just when they have down time here and there. I am offering my book for $10 instead of $15 and of course it comes signed! We can do local pickup or message me for shipping options. It is always available on Amazon for $15.

So, about My Summer with Jimmy & Nan Dee – it is a quick read that will make you laugh and cry. It will encourage you to take your own journey at your own speed. You don’t have to be anyone but you!

So, for today here is the good . . . all the above! Much Peace and Love Y’all!

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The Triple P – Positive Purposeful Post –

“A woman’s strength isn’t just about how much she can handle before she breaks. It’s about how much she must handle after she’s broken.”

This is dedicated to all the beautiful woman in the world who have experienced something or maybe many things that knocked them down completely.

No one wants to admit they are broken. Broken means smashed into pieces. Broken means damaged. Broken also means not functioning properly. Let’s “break” these down.

You know the more times something is smashed into pieces the harder it is to put it all back together again? And it will never be the same. If something is damaged can it ever be good again or even good enough? I don’t know. What do you think? Message me and let me know. I would be very interested to hear someone else’s broken story. I already know mine.

And you know a lot of times I will say “I have been knocked down so many times that one day I’m not going to get back up.” Well, come on – those that know me, know that I’m not going to stay down. However, when I do get back up I may get back up as a different person. I may be someone you don’t recognize because I am stronger than you thought. Tougher than I seemed before.

For today, here is the good . . . Remember “A woman’s strength isn’t just about how much she can handle before she breaks. It’s about how much she must handle after she’s broken.” And also remember we are stronger than you could ever know. Much Peace and Love Y’all! Have a great rest of your weekend.