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Vlogpost . . . Thankful Thursday . . . A few of my “Thankful Things”

What are you thankful for? Much Peace & Love Y’all! Namaste

Click anywhere on the words above to go to our YouTube Channel . . . Crazy Harts Club

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Vlogpost . . . Love the Sensitive People

This quote I pulled from my LFTG (Look for the good . . . ) jar really hits home with me. May this bring hope to others suffering. Much Peace & Love Y’all! Namaste 

Click anywhere on the words above to go to our YouTube Channel . . . Crazy Harts Club

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Vlogpost . . . Whatever goes . . . Go With The Flow Wednesday

Hey y’all! Checkin’ in and livin’ out loud! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste

Click anywhere on the words above to go to our YouTube Channel . . . Crazy Harts Club

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PEACE & LOVE

I hardly know where to begin. For those of you who are used to my writing or that know me personally realize that once I get going it can be challenging at times to stay with me. My thoughts are many. My words are superfluous. And my spirit is animated. However, it’s always entertaining and something beautiful is always set free. So, speaking of FREEDOM . . .

I just got home from the hospital last night after having emergency surgery Monday night. I had a serious complication from my hysterectomy surgery that was 10 weeks ago. It is not typical for this to happen that far out from surgery, but the doctor said I was one of the “unlucky” ones. I will spare you the gory details but if I had waited any longer, I may not be here today.

(With a lack of better verbiage) for a very long time now – I have been weighed down, fatigued and overloaded with negativity but somehow, I kept getting back up – finding it increasingly grueling each time though. There have been definite moments that I didn’t know how or if I would get back up. But I did and kept going trying one way or another to see at least some good . . . except there was always the lingering black cloud. When I say 2020 is not just a new year but a new decade – you can’t even begin to imagine what I mean . . . or just maybe you can.

Something has switched in my soul. The only answer is The Lord. I don’t push my beliefs on you and don’t condemn you if you don’t believe the same. My hope is for you to feel the Peace & Love I feel. It transcends beyond all understanding. I can’t explain it. It’s a gift. I am thankful for it. While I have never been super religious or ritualistic, I have always had a deep faith in The Lord. I have cried out to Him what seems like an infinite amount of times. Then it happened . . . what is “it” you may ask? My ability to be thankful. My ability to “let go”. My ability to open my mind, heart and spirit not to those around me but to myself. I LOVE ME! Do you know why I love me? Because The Lord created me. Being a preacher’s daughter my entire life that one declaration is nothing new . . . in words. However, believing it and actually living it out is entirely different, exciting, scary and new for me. Despite all my heartaches I have been given a gift of PEACE & LOVE that rains down on me daily now. I find myself numerous times every single day saying, “Thank you, Lord, for _____!” The more I practice it the more I experience it. I have lost trust in just about everything in this world but again somehow and I cannot explain it – I continue, daily, to say to Him “Please, Lord, help me trust YOU today.”

There are so many things I want to say to you right now but as I often write . . . if I don’t stop here this blogpost would turn into a novel. So for today here is the good . . . I have been given a GIFT of PEACE & LOVE. It has been freely given to me and I have been chosen to freely give it away. It’s like a river. It runs into my heart, through my soul, and out of my spirit to YOU. Thank you for being on this journey with me. Thank you for riding this roller coaster of a life with me. I am forever grateful. Much Peace & Love Y’all! Namaste

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I Bid You Adieu . . .

“There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.” Jose N. Harris

Since my surgery two weeks ago I have had ample self-reflection time. I have also had more than enough silence surrounding me in my house because I can’t go anywhere or do anything. My silence screams! My silence can be deafening. The self-reflection has shown me where I have my own shortcomings. I have been able to look back at texts, in particular, to see where and if I had some fault in the heartbreaking outcomes of specific relationships. I have tried to apologize for my part and the ball is left in their court now. I am leaving it up to them to realize their part. We often assume the wrong thing because we don’t communicate about what we are actually feeling. I have failed in this. This has been shown to me directly involving my surgery. There are other relationships I have apologized multiple times for my part and yet the other parties remain selfish and unchanged. Good news for me is I can begin to let that go now but they will have to answer for their negativity. And yet one more relationship that has been on the forefront of my mind for weeks now. Some people don’t realize that even through texts they are still doing the very thing I asked them not to do. With all that I have been through, especially in the last few years, I am an easy target. They don’t want to look at their own shit and instead always focus on mine. Now that they have shown their true character I can begin to walk away from that drama as well and begin to heal.

As far as bidding adieu to my social media – you know as I have written here before . . . I was afraid not to write as much because I thought I would lose readers. Then I became afraid of shutting down social media because how else would people know I have written a blogpost unless I put it out there on Facebook or Instagram. The first was hard enough to overcome but I chose to be present in my life and not worry about putting the pressure on myself to “keep up”. However, staying on social media has proven to be more damaging to me than helpful in numerous ways. We are all looking for that “like” on Facebook. Or that comment that affirms we are “good enough”. We crave positive attention from others. Why? Because it feels good. Who doesn’t want to feel good? I know I do. But when we don’t get what we want from others it can turn into self-hatred. Strong word, huh? You may be thinking right now – ‘Not me’ but ask yourself – If no one acknowledged you or liked you or assured you of just how great you are . . . how would you feel? I am not putting down social media or the people who love it. Please, hear that. I am also not saying that maybe one day I will visit it again. I am saying to some it is very damaging, to others it can be fairly painful and to all it can leave us wondering sometimes – ‘Am I good enough?’

I am still learning and I do believe it will be a lifelong journey for me, that the only One I can depend on is The Lord. And maybe you don’t believe in Him. That is none of my business. I will tell you though if you look to anyone else to make you feel good about yourself you will drown. You may again say ‘Not me’ but it will come . . . sooner or later. So, work on loving yourself and trusting yourself now. You have been given a gift or maybe multiple gifts by being you. I am realizing my gifts aren’t obvious like others. I wasn’t born to BE something like a doctor or landscaper. I was born to do things that can’t always be seen only felt. I was born to love. I love others with a passion that is both a gift and a curse. I give all I have to my relationships with people. This oftentimes leaves me hurt and vulnerable. Therefore, I am learning to love the people who treat me right and pray for those who don’t. I crave openness and realness. It was drilled into me my entire life by my own Daddy, the man of God, the Preacher . . . “What will the church people think? What will others think?” Ironic because that is NOT what The Lord says at all! I am having to retrain my brain after 43 YEARS of damage. My hope for you is no matter if you are older or younger than 43 that you will stop the madness NOW! Just this morning I decided I am going to make a list of all the good . . . things about myself. Then I will make copies and place them in different places, even on my phone, to remind me I AM GOOD ENOUGH! I don’t need a list of the negative things. Those are branded into my brain and are readily available even when I don’t ask for them.

So, for today here is the good . . . I am good enough. My list will be great! Take a look at yourself and clean up the things you need to, apologize for your damage, forgive yourself and go love yourself, Sugar! Much Peace and Love, Y’all! Namaste P.S. I will continue to write here on my blog and vlog on our YouTube channel – Crazy Harts Club. You can reach me here and there. You can also subscribe to both of them for free. Have a unicorn spewing glitter kind of weekend!