A long time coming . . .
That could pertain to sooooo many things. This blog post is one. I haven’t written in probably EIGHT MONTHS! There are lots of reasons for that. At the top of that list is . . . my mental health. No! No one talks about mental health or most people don’t. It’s taboo. It’s ugly. It’s a no no. You know what is in reality taboo and ugly and a no no? NOT talking about mental health because people are quite literally dying over it. While I choose not to write all the details portraying my struggles with severe depression and anxiety, I will admit to living with it every single day. Some of those days I haven’t done so successfully which is where I have been all this time . . . it’s called being in the “black hole”. Perhaps more on that another time. While I am generally an open book, the only reason I am not spilling all the beans is to protect my family, my husband and two daughters that is, from being judged. It isn’t fair. The very reason I write is to help other people. I have heard from numerous people how my being so open and honest has helped them. It truly is a shame we have to feel like we have to stay silent about mental health. For now, I am going to write when I can. I am going to write when I feel like it. Recently these very issues almost killed me, and I will leave that right there where it is. I have said many times how I have to love myself . . . how I have to forgive myself . . . how so many things had to change . . . but I never did. After realizing and actually experiencing near death that was it for me. It isn’t a choice anymore. I owe it to myself to love myself.
For those of you who may be new to my blog or may just have missed the meaning behind my “Positive Purposeful Post”(s) here is the explanation – The founding belief of this company is to bring you inspiring positivity one breath at a time. All our products reflect this very idea. For example, our LFTG (Look For The Good) jars are filled with inspirational sayings/quotes. So, having said that, periodically I will be doing my own random draw out of my personal LFTG jar and will be posting it on here with a story that emulates that message. These will be named “Positive Purposeful Post”. Time for another one below –
“But Moses told the people, ‘Don’t be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch The Lord rescue you. The Egyptians that you see today will never be seen again. The Lord Himself will fight for you. You won’t have to lift a finger in your defense.’” Exodus 14:13-14
Most times I don’t write about a Bible verse, but this just so happens to be the one I pulled from my jar today and I laughed at the timing. I always do! The Lord does have a sense of humor. The reason this is ironically funny is because I have been very angry with The Lord. I have begged him for a long time now to save me and save other things. But I never heard from him. Or was I just not listening? Maybe He has been telling me all this time to change but I wouldn’t. I believe it took me nearly dying for Him to get my attention. It’s sad but true. So, for today here is the good . . . here I am just standing, waiting for The Lord to rescue me . . . and . . . He is! I have to stop being afraid of everything. I have to learn to trust again. I just need to breathe . . .
This blogpost is in HONOR of me instead of in MEMORY of me! It is also in HONOR and in MEMORY of those battling with and who lost their battle with mental health issues. I truly hope you have a blessed weekend. Now go love yourself! Much Peace and Love Y’all! Namaste